Just Friends
by MelMel1234
Summary: This is an AU fanfic exploring what would have happened to japril had they decided to move in together, without Alex, back in season 8. Mostly fluff, friendship and sexual tension.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi everyone ! First of all, I just want to say thank you so much for your support for my one-shots. I really appreciate it. :)**

 **This fanfic is an AU about what would happen with japril had they decided to move in together, without Alex, like Jackson always wanted to (during the latter part of season 8). It's going to follow some canon storylines, but the timelines will not be perfect (like, I'll take canon interactions from say early season8/7 sometimes). It's mostly pure fluff and will be a rather slow burn relationship, because I love japril and their sexual tension haha (also, I miss their friendship so much).**

 **Anyway, please let me know if you would like me to continue it. This chapter is quite small, but the others will be longer. I would really love to hear your thoughts. :)  
**

 **Disclaimer : I do not own the characters. They are property of Shonda Rhimes and Grey's Anatomy.**

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"Jackson. Jackson. Hey ! Are you listening?" I opened my eyes to find April waving her hands in front of my face, trying to get my attention.

"Yeah yep. Every word." Not true. I'd dozed off a good 15 minutes or so ago so I had no idea what April had said for that duration of time. Although, knowing April's tendency to ramble, she was probably still trying to sell me on the 3 bedroom apartment with hardwood floors and a washer/dryer.

"No you weren't. You dozed off like 15 minutes ago." I chuckled. I knew that she was catching on to my 'pretend to be listening' face, which I had perfected, courtesy of my mom. What ? It's not like she'd tell me anything she hasn't already told me every single time she takes me to lunch. Plastics, bad. Cardio, good. Get a girlfriend, get married, give her grand babies. Do not ignore his grandfather's calls. Do not ignore her calls. Move back to Boston, you have a place at Mass Gen. I had heard it all and had no reason to get a by-annual reminder. Therefore, I figured perfecting my ability to power nap during a conversation would come in handy. Mom hadn't caught on yet, but April apparently had. There was no point denying my lack of attention at this point.

"Fine. Okay, yes… I dozed off. Buuuut I have a good feeling that you're still on your hardwood floor fetish." I said, stretching my hands and adjusting my sitting position on the gurney. We had both got out of surgeries, and were waiting to check on post-ops before we could go home.

"It's not a fetish." She said, rolling her eyes at me. "It just looks so pretty. Especially if we get white furniture." She had this dreamy look on her face, which meant that she was already planning out their entire apartment. I was totally cool with that. April had good taste and I couldn't care less about the colour coordination of my furniture and my floor. As long as she doesn't go with a princess theme, I was fine with whatever.

"You're serious about this moving out thing aren't you?" I asked, turning to face her. She had her legs stretched out across my lap and was propped up on her elbows. We actually fought each other for this position and it usually went to the person who'd been standing on their feet the longest. Considering how today, April had scrubbed in on a 10 hour surgery as opposed to my 6 hour one, she won fair and square. I wasn't too upset about it because knowing April, if I complained enough about my feet for the rest of the night, I'd score a foot rub. Such were the benefits of having April be your best friend. She was too considerate for her own good sometimes. It's not like I'm an asshole, though. I would obviously return the favour.

"Yes Jackson. Look, like I said, Meredith and Derek have Zola, they need the extra space and you're living with your ex-girlfriend who has feelings for your current mentor who you dumped for said mentor. You'd make good reality TV." She said, laughing.

"Is it really necessary for you to give me daily reminders of past bad choices?" I said giving her a withered look. She shrugged, smirking. As much as it sucked for me to admit it, she was right. I knew probably should've listened to her when she told me that getting involved with Lexie wasn't going to end well for either one of us. She'd pointed out, yet again, how Lexie was in love with Sloan and that she was just too scared to admit it and that I would be a footnote in their love story or something sappy like that. When she'd first said it, I was furious. I was so mad at her for not supporting my relationship. She was my best friend; she was supposed to have my back no matter what. We even had a fallout that had fortunately only lasted about a 3 days before I gave in. Truth be told, April and I were incredibly close. I didn't realize how, even with Lexie as my girlfriend, she was the first person I looked for when something awesome or terrible happened in a surgery or when I just needed someone to share in my happiness and listen to me rant about something, like, the way Sloan was treating me after he'd found out about me and Lexie. Sometime during those 3 days, it had occurred to me that she was .. what did Meredith call it ? … My person. Yep. April Kepner is my person. I finally understood what that meant. Needless to say, I was pretty grateful that all it had taken for her to forgive me was a banana float and the promise to watch lifetime movies with her for a week. The pain of sitting through a week's worth of those awful movies was worth it though. I didn't realize how much I missed her during those 3 days until we made up. I realized too late that I probably should have listened to her. She was looking out for me and even Lexie (they were becoming pretty tight these days) because she'd been right. Lexie would never love him, she couldn't. She loved Sloan, she had for an incredibly long time and they had both been stupid enough to think different.

April was right. I couldn't live with his ex-girlfriend. It wasn't that it was too awkward or anything. Strangely enough we got along quite well for ex's. Maybe she wasn't the only one kidding herself about them. I really did love Lexie, but I do doubt if I'd actually been _in_ love with her as I'd initially suspected. Regardless, I needed a change. And this would be just that.

"Okay, so it'll be just the two of us, right?" I was actually excited about this. I've always wanted to live alone with April. We got along great and I wasn't really a fan of living with a lot of people. After my dad left pretty early in my life, I'd grown up in a house of two, and even then, mom had barely been around, so most of my days were spent with me and my nanny (yes, yes I had a nanny. Insert rich kid joke) and eventually when I was old enough, it was just me.

"That would be great, but I don't think we can afford the nice apartment just the two of us. I think we might have to ask Alex to move in with us." She said, pouting.

"Isn't Alex one of the reasons you wanted to move out?" I was certain Alex's "night activities" (as April called them) was definitely a major reason why April wanted a new place. Not only were some of the women he brought over extremely invasive of her personal belongings but the walls of the house were paper thin, and having that combined with a room right next to Alex, was not something anyone would want to go through.

"Yes. He is. He's the main reason I want out. He's stinky, and mean and leaves his dirty boy socks everywhere. I also do not want to clean his dirty underwear, it probably carries diseases I've never even heard of. Plus, you thought borrowing my deodorant was bad, last week this girl used my toothbrush. MY TOOTHBRUSH." She visibly shuddered. Okay, that was disgusting. Although, if he remembered correctly, there was this day when he'd lost his toothbrush at the hospital and there hadn't been any extra ones at home, so he had no option but to borrow April's. It probably should have been really disgusting for the both of them, but April had only looked apprehensive for a couple of second before shrugging her shoulders and relenting. Another perk of having a best friend. Although this one might not be as hygienic as the others.

"You're willing to put up with all that for … hardwood floors?" I laughed, completely confused. I really didn't get the sacrifice.

"And a washer/dryer." She said, jumping off the gurney, adjusting her lab coat, motioning me to get off so we could go and check on our post ops. "What can I say … I want what I want." With that I watched her walk off. I shook my head, laughing quietly to myself. She never stopped confusing me. I had to admit it was part of the appeal.

WAIT. HOLD UP.

Did i just admit to finding April appealing? Sure, she was beautiful, feisty, and smart and arguably the nicest person I've ever met, but … No no, I meant it as a friend … her appeal as my best friend. Of course. She was the only woman in my life right now, not counting my mother, so it made sense that I was projecting my feelings of loneliness on to her. Yes, that's what it was. I was reading into this way too much. I just … needed to get laid that's all.

* * *

I looked around the room, sipping a drink, and smiled to myself. Zola had looked adorable in her cute little dress. I never really wanted children growing up, and it's not like I'm really sold on the idea even now, but Zola was one cute baby.

"Hey ... Jackson, right ?" I looked to my right and saw the voice belonged to Jane, this really pretty nurse I used to flirt with to get surgeries. Yes, I wasn't proud of it but everyone did it back then, even April. She used to bat those long lashes of hers and flash those cute dimples. She had even beaten me to surgeries like that. I paused the drink mid air before taking a sip. Had I just ... NOPE. No I had not. Okay I had. I had mentioned April's dimples and her eye lashes … adoringly, but come on, everyone noticed those. I could completely platonically appreciate my friend's attributes that made her cute. Yep. Still ... to be on the safe side, I needed to get laid … right now. That would be the answer. I turned my attention back to Jane, allowing myself to engage in a conversation with her. But before I could even begin to turn on the charm, my attention was once again broken by the same red head.

I looked around and saw April taking to Alex. I figured she was telling him about the apartment, although it seemed that she had managed to get off track. I really doubt a conversation about apartments required April predicting Alex's, what appeared to be a very bleak, future.

"... roaming the streets with some ancient form of syphilis."

Yep. Definitely off track. I quickly excused myself from the nurse, who I was actually making good progress with. (looks like it was going to be yet another night of sleeping alone) But I figured if Alex was going to be our roommate, I would need to do some damage control. I had this feeling that insulting him wasn't exactly the most enticing way to present a proposal he'd actually want to accept.

I walked over, put my arm around her shoulder and interrupted her insult fest (although, she was on a roll !)

"I think what April is trying to say is ..."

Well. What she was trying to say is that she would like it if Alex became their roommate. Maybe like is too strong of a word. She had no other choice, at all, but to have Alex become our roommate. That was more accurate. But I couldn't bring myself to say those words. It occurred to me that I didn't want Alex to be our roommate. I mean, don't get me wrong, I like Alex, we were good friends (I mean, April, coming from Ohio deemed football to the be all and end all of sports, so I needed someone to discuss basketball with. Thank you, Alex !) and personally I could deal with all the women. I mean Alex put up with me before I got in a relationship with Lexie. So on hindsight, I really didn't really have any real reason to not want Alex to be our roommate. Which is why, what I did next came as a surprise.

"Um ... She's trying to say ... You know. Just .. Excuse us for a minute ?" I said, pulling a very confused looking April away from an even more confused looking Alex.

"Jackson ... What ?" She said, twisting her face, the way she did when she thought I was been weird.

"I can pay." I said, not been able to control the words that came out of my mouth. (WHAT?!) "I can pay the part of the rent Alex would pay if he lived with us. So that, you know, he wouldn't have to live with us." (WHAT ! ARE ! YOU ! DOING ?!)

I appeared really calm about this statement on the outside but inside alarm bells were going off. What was I doing? This made no sense. Why was it that no matter how much I didn't dislike living with Alex, this part of me kept insisting I wanted to live with April … alone … just the two of us. I really didn't want to answer these questions right now.

"What?! No. No way. I'm not letting you pay more than half of the rent Jackson! That's ridiculous." She said, shaking her head, sending her red curls flying.

"But I can afford it. It's not that hard. I mean it. Plus, Alex is good friends with Mer and that could mean that Mer would hang around at our house more and you know she'd bring Lexie with her so ..." Brilliant. Impeccable reasoning. She was looking at me, eyebrows raised. That made no sense and we both knew it. Lexie and April were becoming good friends lately and there was more of a chance that she'd personally invite her over. But I remained insistent. Although, I still wasn't quite sure why.

"I mean ... Look, you're my best friend, we get along great, you like living with me, I like living with you and I can afford it." She started to protest, but I quickly interrupted her before she could start. "You can make up for it by cooking awesome food and washing my dirty boy socks?"

She laughed at that. I could see her contemplating. It surprised me just how much I wanted her to agree to this. I saw her scrunching up her face in displeasure while looking at Alex who was now eating chocolate pudding with his fingers directly from the bowl. Yep. I had won.

"Okay." She sighed. "Fine. But when we're fellows and I can afford it, I'm paying you back okay ?" She said, in a threatening tone. I was fine with that. She could do whatever would ease her conscience later as long as right now they could live together.

"Okay. Deal ... Roomie" I said, smirking, holding out my hand.

"We were already roomies." She said, laughing while shaking my hand.

"Yeah but this is more official somehow." It was true. It would be just the two of us. They would jointly "own an apartment." It felt strange, but also really nice.

"Hm. True. Okay then I'll book a viewing with the agent for this week. We'll take a day off." She said, sending a text on her phone. Probably to the agent. April tended to be nothing if not efficient. She sent the text and stuffed the phone in her back pocket. "I'm gonna go help Zozo put up the Barbie dream house. I always wanted one as a kid but it was so expensive my parents refused to buy it. Is it weird that I'm more excited about this than she is?" She said, laughing.

"Knock yourself out." I said, laughing along with her. I always found her innocence to be adorable. I turned back and topped my glass all the way. I hadn't felt like this in a while … almost ... giddy. What the hell was happening to me ?! This was April, my best FRIEND. Nothing more. I was just moving in with my best friend. That's it.

But here I was, grinning like an idiot. No. I was been ridiculous. This whole thing was ridiculous. April was a great cook, she did laundry (which he loathed doing) and she was his best friend. That's it. That's what the excitement was about. I wasn't going to question this beyond that. Although, there was this one tiny voice in my head that just might already know the answer.

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 **THANK YOU FOR READING !**

 **If you have some specific scenes between them that you'd like to see, I'm very open to incorporating those scenes into the story. You can find me on my tumblr blog "astoldbyacertifiedunicorn" :)  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi everyone ! Are you excited for season 13 to start ? Can't believe I survived a 4 month long hiatus haha.**

 **First off I want to thank you so much for the wonderful reviews. It means the world to me. I'm also really sorry for updating late. I've develop this neck problem, which means using a computer can be pretty straining on my neck. So I'm sorry if updates take long. I will try my best, though.**

 **I also want to say I'm really sorry about the whole 1** **st** **/3** **rd** **person confusion. I wrote it in 3** **rd** **person before I decided to switch and I didn't proof read it well. REALLY SORRY about that. Hopefully it doesn't happen again. If it does, please point it out so I can edit it. Thank you.**

 **As always, let me know what you thought. I really love writing this story and I love reading your reviews. Hope you enjoy this chapter.**

 _ **Disclaimer : The storyline and the characters are property of Shonda Rhimes and Grey's Anatomy.**_

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How is it possible for such a tiny human being to be so strong?

After unsuccessfully trying to get me out of bed by taking away my sheet, April's new strategy is a combination of yelling my name over and over again while pulling on my legs. Although, at first, I thought it was sweet that April thought SHE could pull ME out of bed, I have now realized that I let my misogyny get the best of me, because on the first pull she practically dragged me halfway across the bed. I'm guessing this has something to do with growing up on a farm, because it should be biologically impossible for a person so petite to have this much strength.

"FINE ! STOP. I'm awake, okay?" I said, finally giving up (because I have a feeling she might actually end up pulling me out of bed and Alex would have a field day with that). I open my eyes and glance at my alarm, which read . WHAT ?! OH COME ON ! There is no valid reason whatsoever for her to wake me up at the crack of dawn on my day off. I'm a surgical resident. Sleep is a luxury. The only reason that I can think of that would warrant such injustice is if the world is ending and April picked me as her survival partner (which I'm really hoping does happen, because let's face it, if there's an apocalypse, April is the only person who's going to be prepared for it). And since the world does not appear to be ending, I see no reason for me to be awake right now. Well, except for the fact that we have to go and meet the realtor to see the apartment. Still.

I grunt and fall back on to the bed, covering myself from head to toe in my sheet. The moment I fall back on the bed, however, I feel the bed sheet been pulled off of me. She is definitely not going to leave the room without me following her, which maybe a smart move on her part because I did in fact plan to lock the door behind her and go back to sleep. Apartment be damned.

"I AM NAKED UNDER THE COVERS !" I yell, hoping it'll scare her off. April has always been quite a bit of a prude. I don't mean that as an insult (although, yes, I have made fun of her virginity at one point in my life and yes, I do regret it a lot). It's really sweet, actually. She'd always avert her eyes and blush this deep shade of red whenever I walked around without a shirt on, which I have to admit is a huge ego boost, considering how most women generally get used to it after a while (yeah yeah I have my vain moments, I'll admit it).

She suddenly stopped pulling on the sheets and stepped back immediately, the deep red colour spreading all over her body. I smirked. April really gave a new meaning to the phrase "blushing all over".

"You're … Oh. OH …." She noticed my grin. "JACKSON! YOU'RE LYING! You are honestly … OUT! NOW! OUT!" She said, rolling her eyes and going back to the task of pulling my sheet off. It's not like I was intentionally trying to ruin April's plans of scoring this apartment (I mean I want it as much as she does), it's more of the fact that I knew there was one other card I could play that would make getting up even more worth it.

"Will you make waffles?" I asked, still refusing to get out of bed, even though she was now pulling me by the arms using her superhuman strength.

"Okay. Yes, I'll make you waffles." She said, her hands on her hips, clearly frustrated with me.

"Blueberry chocolate chip waffles?"

"WHA- YES. OKAY. JUST… GO GET READY!" She said, falling some steps back when I immediately got up out of the bed. I held on to her hands and steadied her.

"FINALLY! You know I hate been late. The realtor lady said to meet her at 9 and it takes 30 minutes to drive up there and now I need to make you waffles …" She said, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah you do." I said, grinning like a kid on Christmas morning. The thing is, April is arguably the best cook in the world. And I can say this without having to justify it by saying, "I mean not if you count my mom's cooking" because my mother never really cooked, unless you count the one time she burnt toast. So no competition there. April was one of those people that always baked things and as someone who survived on take-out prior to my friendship with her, I can honestly say, her cooking is one of my favourite things in the world. Plus, as a waffle enthusiast, I can appreciate the taste of her perfectly cooked bundles of deliciousness.

After gobbling a heart attack-inducing amount of waffles, I was driving us to the apartment complex. I didn't realize how excited I was for this. I mean, sure, I'm happy that I no longer have to share a shower with like 5 other people, and sure, the no longer living with Lexie thing helped, but honestly, I was just excited to be moving in with only my bestfriend. I don't think I've been this excited for anything in a while.

"Okay … I think it's this building … right there." April said, pointing to this really nice looking apartment complex. It looked really modern, but also quite homey. I parked the car and made my way to get out. It's been a long drive and even after 3 cups of coffee I wasn't fully awake yet. I needed a stretch.

"Wait." April said, rummaging through her bag. I took my hand away from the door and turned to face her. "Sooo there's this one tiiiiny thing that I kinda forgot to tell you before we left."

"Okaaayyy …." I'm not entirely sure where she's going with this, but the super guilty look on her face tells me I'm not going to like it.

"I may have kinda told the realtor lady that we were kinda … engaged ?"

SHE DID WHAT?!

"YOU DID WHAT?!" I said, widening my eyes in disbelief. I am so completely confused right now.

"Hear me out okay? The realtor said this was a family complex and so the other tenants apparently prefer the apartment to be sold to a … family. Or … a soon to be family." She said, looking apologetic. I was still staring back at her shell-shocked.

"That's like … illegal. We're going to end up in jail. April, no. This is ridiculous." The thing is, it's not like I was so completely put off by the idea. I mean, first of all, I get it. They'll give preference to families looking at the apartment and so if we pretended to be one, we have more of a chance of getting the place. Also, it's not like I mind having someone think April was my fiancé. I mean, she's beautiful and smart and a great person, so yeah. I wouldn't even mind showing her off as my fiancé actually. But that was the problem. The problem was how okay I was with it. Not just okay, but … I was … excited. There was this weird feeling in my chest the moment she said the word "engaged" referring to us and … I really didn't need to try to figure out why I felt like that.

"Also," I continued, before she could get anything out, "We're not an actual couple. What makes you think we'd make a convincing one? What if they see through our façade? What if they call the cops on us? I didn't get enough sleep to have the energy to make a run for it." Okay, so I was overreacting maybe just a little. It's not like we're doing anything illegal, I knew that. Plus, the worse that could happen is we lose the apartment. Also, I know that me and April have had enough experience been in relationships to "act like a couple". I knew we could pull it off. I just didn't know if I wanted to be able to pull it off. What if … what if we were good at it? What if us been together made perfect sense that no one questions it? What does that mean? Nothing. It means nothing because I'm been crazy. And I'm doing this whole projecting my loneliness thing on April again. This has to stop.

"Jackson, please ! We're not going to get caught. I'll make sure of that. You just … follow my lead. Act all … couple-y." April said, looking at me with those big doe yes. Ah, she was giving me 'the look.' The look she has perfected during the course of our friendship as the one she will use in desperate times to get me to anything she wants to. I don't know what it was about that look, but I've never been able to say no. Great. I'm actually going to do this.

"Okaaaayyy … Fine. We'll act engaged." I said, as April squeaked joyfully.

"Okay so here's your ring …" April said, handing me a modest looking silver metal ring. Wow. Rings. She really thought this one through didn't she? See … this is what I was talking about. Best partner to help you survive the apocalypse.

She pulled out her own ring, which was this ring with a tiny diamond in the middle of it. I was offended. I would never buy her a ring that small. I mean, sure, April wouldn't appreciate a ring that's too flashy, but I'm sure she'd like one with a moderate sized stone, and maybe with small stones running around the band .

WHAT. AM. I. DOING ?!

This isn't real. We're pretending. Which you know, obviously, I have no actual intention of marrying April. Or anyone for that matter. Now … or maybe ever. This is all her fault. If she didn't need this particular apartment, none of this would be happening. So I might as well have some fun with it. What? She sprung this on me and made me ask all these … questions. So, yeah. Might as well enjoy myself while we're at it. Also, it would prove to be a good distraction.

"Um .. excuse me. But … I think I deserve a better proposal than this." I said, taking her ring away from her. She looked back at me like I was this frustrating child who was refusing to do what he's told. Ha! Take that Kepner.

"REALLY?! We have 5 minutes left." She said, rolling her eyes.

"More than enough time." I said, smirking. She looked so cute when she had that expression on her face. It was reserved for the times when I did something really annoying and she had no idea what to do about it.

"You are been … so difficult today, I swear." She said, running her hands through her hair.

"You know … time is ticking." I replied, not willing to back down.

"Fiiiiinnneeee. Jackson," She began, turning her body towards mine, "Jackson … lovely, sweet, not at all annoying Jackson … Will you please … with a chocolate chip blueberry waffle on top, pretend to be my fiancé for one day so I can get the nice apartment with hardwood floors and a washer/dryer ?" She said, grinning back at me.

"Hmmmm … Nope. Don't want to." I said, jumping out of the car. "I don't appreciate the sarcasm."

"JACKSON!" April said, getting down and walking to my side. "YOU WILL AGREE TO MARRY ME RIGHT NOW!"

Although I do know now how strong April is, it's still adorable how she puts herself in front of me, like she's a human barricade that I cannot pass. I mean, she's like tiny, I could lift her with one hand. I could. Not that I want to. Why would I want to do that? Moving on.

"Okay, okay. I'll marry you." I said, taking her ring and putting it on her finger. What? We need some formalities.

"Thank you! Okay … let's go." She said, and started walking two steps ahead of me. I sighed. Of course she'd think the extent to us pretending to be in a relationship only meant wearing rings. This was going to be harder than I thought. I caught up to her, and pulled her against me by her waist, taking her hand and placing it across my waist.

"Ehhh … What are you doing ?" She said, looking at me like I'd gone crazy.

"I'm acting like a happy engaged couple. She's probably going to think we hate each other if you walk 5 steps in front of me." I knew that no matter what she said, the person taking the lead on this operation was me.

"OOOHHH … Good thinking, Jackman." She said, grinning up at me. She looked so pretty in this angle. It also felt really nice to be this close to her. It felt … right. Oh god, I need to concentrate.

"Hey, you two. My name is Lisa. I'm your realtor. I'm assuming you're the soon-to-be Mr. and Mrs. Avery?" Lisa, the realtor, who looked like she was the type of lady who went to all the PTA meetings and baked cookies from scratch for school bake sales, walked towards us and shook our hands. She seemed nice enough, although I groaned as I saw her low-key checking me out. I wasn't trying to sound egoistic or unappreciative. I'm not one of those people that constantly act like been born beautiful is the hardest thing in the world. But I do have to admit that sometimes it got annoying. Like, now. When she was fully aware of the fact that I was a soon-to-be married man (well, okay, maybe not really, but she as far as she knew, I was taken) who was trying his best to ignore the weird feeling he got in his chest when he heard the words " " in reference to April.

"Why don't you guys follow me?" Lisa said, leading them into the lobby and to the elevator, all the while politely answering any and all of the excited gibberish April was animatedly talking about. Honestly, I was surprised this lady understood anything she was saying. Whenever April got really excited she spoke so fast, she'd stop making sense. Well, to everyone other than me, that is. I'd gotten really good at understanding what exactly she was saying after spending so much time listening to her talk. April was now holding my hand, unconsciously rubbing circles on the back of hand. It felt really nice. She'd always do it whenever she was nervous about something and needed comfort.

"Okay, guys here we go." Lisa stood outside the door to the apartment, pushing in the key to open the door. I have to admit, I was thrilled. I couldn't wait to see this apartment. I'd heard so much about it and for some reason the whole moving out thing seemed even more real now. I looked down at April who looked almost giddy. I chuckled to myself. Yep, this was a good idea. No doubt about it.

* * *

I closed my locker and started to finish packing my bag. It had been 2 crazy long weeks because April and I were moving in to the new apartment tomorrow and we had taken the weekend off for that. So that meant an endless number of extra shifts to cover those 2 days. I couldn't wait to become an attending. It wasn't even about the paycheck … those flexible working hours was worth gold. I was waiting for April. I promised I'd give her a lift tonight and she was getting late because there had been a building fire and the ER was a madhouse. I would've been stuck here the whole night if Sloan hadn't felt bad and told me to go home. I think he was still reeling in from the fact that he felt bad about the whole Lexie thing but honestly I will cash that card for as long as I can. No shame, whatsoever.

Also, moving is not easy. I hate having to organize things and then meticulously pack them so you don't lose anything on the move. The whole thing was really stressful. Add to that, the fact that I haven't gotten laid since breaking up with Lexie meant I've been sulking like a child around the house, throwing a hissy fit every time April mentioned the fact that I was behind schedule. The schedule she came up with 2 days after we signed the lease. It was like the chore wheel, except for packing. It was a detailed planner, which had deadlines that you had to meet for each type of items to be packed, depending on the importance of the item to your daily use and the ease with which it can be packed. I kid you not. She should trademark this and sell it to other people who share similar characteristic traits as my neurotic (I mean, this with a lot of love and maybe a little bit of annoyance, because I am the first – albeit unwilling – test subject of this product) best friend. Truth is, I would've been even more behind schedule if April hadn't put me under supervision. Every day for the last week and a half almost, since she realized that if I was left to my own devices, I would have finished packing in about 5 years, she took it upon herself to start supervising my packing time. So, every day, she gave me a good 1 hour to settle in after surgery, and the moment the 1 hour was up, she'd drag me to my room and force me pack my stuff, all the while chilling in my bed. She refused to help me pack anything other than my clothes and since those were left to the last 2 days, I've been operating solo for the majority of the week. I woke up today morning to find April packing up my clothes and labeling all my boxes (with the label maker I got her for Christmas – don't judge me. It was a well thought out gift. April loves stationery the way I love Nike sneakers. So you see my point).

Now don't mistake my whining about the whole moving situation as a sign that I don't want to move. No, I definitely wanted to move. The apartment had been great. There were 3 rooms, 2 bathrooms and a really nice kitchen and living room. Plus, I was planning on splurging on a really nice flat screen TV and I found the perfect spot on the living room for it. I was content. And then there was the fact that April had been so incredibly happy throughout the tour. She was so in love with the place, she was practically skipping through the house; it was the most adorable thing I'd ever seen. Although, not as cute as her reactions to the hardwood floors and the washer/dryer. That was enough to convince me on the fact that paying extra for this apartment was completely worth it. The whole thing had gone pretty great, actually. Well unless you count one moment, which had been … very … interesting, to say the least.

" _And this is the master bedroom." Lisa said, leading us into the biggest room of the house. It was really nice and spacious, with an adjoining bathroom and a great view. I really want to call dibs on this, and I know April would be perfectly fine with letting me have it, but honestly, she deserves this room. I was fine with the 1_ _st_ _room we've seen. Plus, that was closer to the kitchen so it isn't like I was losing out completely. "There's enough space for a king sized bed and the view is just spectacular." I followed April, inside the room, reaching out for her hand. I don't think Lisa suspects anything fishy with our relationship. So far, we've been acting pretty much like our usual selves, well, plus the whole touchy-feely thing. But Lisa seems to not even question our relationship status. A fact I wasn't allowing myself to dwell on._

" _Jackson ! This room is so nice ! You know what? You should take this one. I totally owe you the pretty room. I'll take …" April started to say, walking up to the balcony._

" _Oh. Aren't you two planning on sharing?" Lisa said, looking confused. I saw the immediate panic on April's face. Shit. Of course she assumed we'd sleep in the room. We were engaged. That's what engaged people do. The whole 'king sized bed' comment went over my own head. I saw April start to open her mouth and I quickly interrupted her. The thing is, she wasn't necessarily the smoothest talker around. And especially considering the fact that right now she was in full on panic mode, I knew for a fact that every word that comes out of her mouth is just going to dig us deeper into the hole._

" _Yes. Yes of course. What she meant was that sometimes when I do stupid things and piss her off, she needs her own room to go to and be mad at me." I said, laughing loudly, while pulling April close to me._

" _Yeah. Exactly. He drives me crazy sometimes." April said, laughing along, in this high pictched tone which made her sound really nervous. Oh god. We were going to get caught._

" _Yep. That I do." I said, dropping a kiss on the top of April's head. She looked up at me, completely taken off guard, like I just did the most irrational thing in the world. Honestly, if Lisa paid any close attention to the way we were acting, we would have been kicked out ages ago. Okay so maybe I didn't have to be this affectionate, but the hey, I'm just trying to do some damage control is all._

 _Lisa, even if she might have sensed something off, didn't exactly push it. She probably thought we were one those weird couples that did things Cosmopolitan recommends you do to have a more healthy relationship. (What? I have to kill time when I accompany my mom to salons)_

" _Well … This particular room has very thick walls, so you should definitely pick this as the master." Lisa smiled, winking at us. Yep. I was fully aware of what she was insinuating. Although I didn't particularly care for the images that went through my mind the moment she said it. What? I'm a straight, hot-blooded male who hasn't had sex in a really long time. I looked at April, chuckling awkwardly. She looked at Lisa, completely confused as to why this piece of information was necessary when it suddenly hit her._

" _Oh … OOOOHHH … You mean … OH." She said, a deep blush covering her face. It would've been really cute, if I wasn't aware of how shy she was when it came to talking about sex. She looked like she wanted the earth to just open up and swallow her whole. I was going to say something to make the whole thing less awkward, when -My-Lead-Eventhough-I-Am-Terrible-At-Pretending-To-Be-In-A-Relationship over here, decided that she is the most qualified person for the job._

" _YES. I mean, of course we have sex. Lots of sex. We have sex all the time. Because that's what you do when you're engaged. You have sex. With your fiancé. And since we … we are fiancés … we have sex. Yep. So … The thicker the better right babe? I meant the walls. Not anything else! The walls should be thicker because of all the sex. Yep. Good … thick walls." She was finally done, hitting the wall several times for emphasis. Trust me, I know I should've interrupted this moment, because it was going to go down in history as one of those moments I'm going to remind her about constantly in the course of friendship, because this will probably crack the top 10 list of the most embarrassing moments in her life. But I couldn't bring myself to interrupt. Not only was the whole thing absolutely hilarious, but I was too shocked to even say anything. I looked at her, barely containing my laughter, and saw her look back to me like she wanted me to run her over with my car right then and there and spare her the aftermath of this moment._

" _I …. Eh … I …. I TO TAKE THIS CALL." April said, quickly running out of the room, avoiding any eye contact with either one of us._

 _Lisa looked at me, completely confused, looking extremely uncomfortable with the whole thing._

 _I finally let myself laugh. I couldn't help it, the whole thing was way too cute and hilarious and so like April. Lisa chuckled along, still a little uncomfortable with the whole thing, but more amused than anything else. God, I loved been friends with her._

I was still laughing by myself, when I heard the doors to the lockers opening. I looked up expecting to see April, but was instead faced with a very freaked out Alex.

"See … told you Kepner's crazy was rubbing off on you." Alex said, walking up to his locker.

I had to admit it must have looked really strange to walk in on me, laughing by myself in an empty room. But I didn't appreciate Alex calling April crazy. She was. But I was the only one allowed to say it. Because April knew that whenever I said it, it was meant lovingly. Alex was just mean.

"Hey. She's not crazy okay." I said, punching him on the arm. He shrugged and started to change.

"So you're actually moving in with her? I can't believe you ditched me for freaking Kepner. I mean, she's so ..." Alex stopped his sentence midway seeing the threatening look I was giving him.

"Don't finish that sentence, dude. For your sake." I said, sending April a text to ask her where she was.

"Whatever," Alex had enough experience with my protectiveness over April to know I wasn't kidding when I said that. "I'm just saying. I can't believe you ditched me."

"Please. You're just jealous because no matter what, you love April's cooking and you appreciate the fact that she cleans after you."

Alex just rolled his eyes and scoffed. The fact that he didn't have a cocky reply meant I was right. He was definitely mad that April wasn't going to be around to take care of him anymore. He was probably even going to miss living with her. She had her own way of creeping into your heart. Of course I wasn't going to tell him that he could have lived with us if I hadn't wanted to live with April alone. But something told me to keep that to myself.

"That's the only reason you're moving in with her?" He said, smirking at me.

"What?"

"Come on, dude. You think I don't know that you could've asked me to move in with you two if you wanted to. I saw the brochure of the apartment Kepner had taken. It has 3 rooms. But you didn't ..." Alex said, crossing his arms and looking at me like he was outing me on something.

"Look. You drive her mad, okay. I just thought it'd be better if it was just the two of us." All of which was true. I had no clue whatsoever about what Karev was getting at.

"Sure. Nothing to with anything else at all." He said, laughing and taking his bag out.

I was completely confused. That was the reason it was going to be just me and April. I decided that some time ago. It was because I could see how she needed to live with someone who was her best friend and was a really good housemate. That was all. Right?

"Dude. You want to bang her. Just admit it." WHAT ?! I laughed at the sheer ridiculousness of that statement. Of course I didn't want to sleep with April. Not that there was anything wrong with her. I mean, she's great. But she's my best friend… who is also a virgin. That's would be so weird.

"What ?! Are you ... No way. She's just ... April's my best friend okay ? That's all. I have absolutely no interest in ... That." I said, shaking my head, almost angry that he'd even suggest that.

"So you've never thought about it?" He said, still not convinced with me.

"Look man. Unlike you, I respect April. So no, I've never thought of her like that." Lie. I mean, it's crossed my mind one time or so, but that was just a fleeting thought. I'm sure she thought of me in that way as well. Doesn't mean anything. Alex was going crazy.

"The only thing that's unlike me that you've done is not try to bang her."

I wanted to punch him so bad. Honestly, he thought bringing up how he treated April was a good idea.

"Look, just admit it. It'll be easier. Plus, it's not like I'm judging you. You two have always been freakishly close and you handle her crazy well." Alex said, shrugging his shoulders, like them dating was the not the most ridiculous thing in the world. "Also, I'm sure that energy could be put to good use."

"Shut up, Karev." I wasn't sure why his comments were making me this mad, but they were.

"See what I mean? Nobody should be that upset about another dude saying that to his best friend."

"Well, she's ... April okay. She's just ... Whatever. You're delusional." Here he was calling me crazy when he was the one who was actually going insane.

"I'm just kidding, dude. I know I make fun of her but ... She's ... Well she's ... Kepner. Just ... Don't do anything stupid, okay? I'm going to Joes" Alex said, picking up his bag and walking out of the door not giving me a chance to reply.

I was so completely confused by this whole conversation. It made absolutely no sense. I mean, sure, me and April maybe closer than your average best friends but that's just because she was my person. That's all it was. Right?

"Hey. Sorry I'm late. The ER was crazy tonight. This was as early as I could get out." I looked up to see April walking in through the door. She looked really tired and completely worn out.

"That's fine."

"I'm so tired. Let me get changed really quickly and we can go." April said, walking near her locker to get her clothes. "You okay? You look a little weird."

I looked up at her and saw her face looking back at me, confused. NOPE. I wasn't going to think about this any longer. Alex was just messing with me, because he's Alex. April is a wonderful person but she's my best friend. And that's all I want her to be. Nothing more. And I wasn't going to ruin our friendship by letting Alex get to me. I was moving in with my best friend and that was exciting because she's my best friend. That was it. The only reason. And I was happy. And so April. I wasn't going to let the fact that I was clearly unable to handle been out of a relationship all of a sudden affect that.

"Nope. All good. Come on, hurry up. I'm starving. Pizza on me." I said, smiling back at her.

"It better be." She said, laughing back at me and heading towards the changing rooms.

Yep. Best friends. I'm not sure if you're supposed get a weird feeling in your chest when you hear your best friend laugh, but I'm sure that didn't mean anything.

Right?

* * *

 **In case it was confusing : the part in italics is a flashback :)**

 **The "proposal" scene was partially inspired by the movie "The Proposal" (I'm not really into rom-coms but that one made me laugh a lot and it was super cute!)**

 **THANK YOU FOR READING !**

 **Also, if you have any specific scenes you'd like to see between the two of them let me know. Even if I don't incorporate them right away, if it fits with the story, I'll write them in in future chapters. And thank you to my readers who have already come to me with their own ideas.**

 **You can find me on tumblr in my blog "astoldbyacertifiedunicorn"**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi everyone ! I really am sorry for taking my time on updating this fic. I've just haven't been able to find the inspiration to write this, until yesterday the inspiration suddenly hit and I wrote this in 2 days. lol Anyway, just wanted to say THANK YOU for your reviews on this fic. They mean a LOT to me. I absolutely LOVE reading them.**

 **I am very sorry about any grammatical or spelling errors (I know my misuse of being v been was quite annoying - VERY sorry about that : English isn't my first language - but I appreciate the kind reviews you left behind on this - I'm always up for learning ! Hopefully, I avoided the mistake this chapter, but bear with me if I haven't - practice makes perfect :) )**

 **As always, please enjoy !**

 **Disclaimer: The characters are property of Shonda Rhimes and Grey's Anatomy**

* * *

Moving in is a bitch.

It's true. It's one of the most annoying things I've ever had to do in my life. There's the packing and the makings sure you've taken everything and then the endless meetings with the realtor and the landlord so that you have all the documents and there's the changing your address in every single document or website you've given your address to and of course the absolute worst, the lugging of furniture and boxes and suitcases up the to the apartment. Weirdly enough, this part is generally the easiest because normal people, like myself, usually hire moving companies, because then all you have to do is kind of pretend to be helping when really you're just doing nothing. But the problem is, I no longer associate with normal people, NOPE. And therefore, when my red headed best friend tells me that, no we're not going to throw our money away by hiring people to help us move in, because one must not spend money on things they can do by themselves, there's very little room for argument. What ? She's a little spitfire, intimidating as hell if she wants to be. Don't let her exterior fool you.

So here I am carrying boxes up the stairs that I am convinced holds April's secret rock collection, because there is no reason anything should be this heavy. Honestly I should have traded in organizing for heavy lifting, when April asked. But my stupid man ego couldn't let April be the one to do the heavy lifting part, although I am aware she is perfectly capable of doing so … and would probably still have the energy to organize after. Stupid male ego. And to top it all off, it really doesn't help that I've been flirted with by 3 girls in the last 10 minutes. There are way too many single chicks in what was supposedly a "family" building. Look, it's not that I don't appreciate the attention and there was also the fact that I still haven't gotten laid (I think I've broken my own personal record at this point), but I'm not in the mood for anything right now other than takeout and 5 cans of beer. So I use the excuse I've been using for the past two girls, because that's the kind of person I've become. 23 year old me would be so disappointed. Whatever, I'm not going to be judged by a guy who thought he looked good clean shaven. The beard is the key, son.

"Um sorry, I'm engaged." I smile politely at her. Gina, I think her name was ... Or was it Joelle. Who knows ?

"I don't see a ring ?" Gina replies, hands on her hips, looking at me like I'm making this whole thing up. Which I am, technically. Potato, potatoe.

"Yeah because my fiancé would kill me if I lost it. So it's off for the day." Honestly, I've never had to go beyond the 'I'm engaged' part with the other girls. I'm pissed off on behalf of April, my not-fiancé fiancé. How dare she not back off after I've specified I'm taken.

"Hm ... Okay. What's her name ?" I honestly don't know why this stupid elevator is taking so long to come down. By the time it's here ... Wait, I think she's Lindsay. No, no. It's Gina … or Joelle. Regardless, by the time it's here Gina (I'm sticking with that) would have already had an entire history of my fake relationship so much so that she'd be able to make a toast at our fake wedding.

"April." I nod, grinning. I mean, I have to stick the whole 'I'm super in love with my fiancé' story, ergo the grinning. That's it.

"Oh ... OH MY ... Kepner ? Oh I'm so sorry, I didn't know she was your fiancé. She's such a darling isn't she ? I live a floor above you two. She baked me the best apple pie I've ever had my whole life. Again, so sorry. I had no idea. Do you want help with those ?" Gina pointed at the boxes, when I heard the elevator ding open. I could only nod, because my faculty of speech was failing me miserably at this point. She knew April ? April baked her an apple pie ? April told her we're engaged ? April also sometimes tells people about how we're engaged ? I can't believe April told her we're engaged. I clear my throat, because as always my mind has begun to go off topic. Don't know why, it just does that sometimes. I vote dehydration.

Of course April would bake pies and whatnot and introduce herself to our neighbours before we moved in. She probably didn't tell me because she'd know I'd be 100% against it. What? I don't like having to talk to more people than I need to. I have enough of that because I'm an Avery, so anywhere where I can disassociate myself from increasing my group of acquaintances, I take the chance. She's so sly, I tell you. And there's no surprise that the neighbours love her, because that's April for you. She may come across as annoying and too perky to some people, but she always wins them over. It's this weird little secret weapon she has that no one really understood. She'd creeped her way in to Reed's heart. Stone cold as it was. I smiled at the fact that I was able to think of Reed in a positive way. They'd be proud that the Mercy Westerns are back together by themselves. Anyway, April had charmed our neighbours with her heart of gold, incomparable cooking skills and I'd bet money on this, those stupid stupid dimples … except they weren't stupid. They were really the most adorable thing I've ever seen and I don't know why that thought crosses my mind way more often than it should, so they're stupid.

"Well here's your floor." Gina says, helping me remove the boxes from the elevator, "Tell her I said hi. And ... please don't tell her I hit on you. She's a doll."

I nod solemnly, although I am definitely telling April she hit on me because this whole exchange was funny. Also, I want to see how she reacts to the fact that I used her to avoid getting dates, although, again, don't want to think about why I want that. It also occurred to me that since a lot of our neighbours thinks we're engaged, how on earth either one of us were going to date. I mean, either our neighbours are going to think we're both adulterers and that we're in some kind of open relationship. Or worse, we're in one of those wife exchange clubs. I shake my head that the thought because I'm avoiding dating like a plague for some reason and April hasn't been on a single date since Stark (if that even was a date to begin with), so I don't think there's any reason to worry yet.

"Hey. What took you so long?" April said, emerging from the kitchen. It actually blows my mind how fast she can organize things. For the 10 minutes or so that I was gone it went from ghost town to 'we could sell pictures of our kitchen for good housekeeping'. I looked at April who was now walking towards me carrying a pitcher of lemonade. She made LEMONADE? How long was I gone for? But my serious consideration of the conspiracy theory that April secretly practices black magic is completely knocked out of me when I see what she's wearing. April has in the, what I'm now guessing is, half an hour I was gone, changed into the world's tiniest pair of shorts. I don't even think they manufacture shorts that ... short. and tight. and really really short. I have to mentally slap myself to look away, because that's my best friend and best friends don't ogle their best friend's cute butt in her really really short (and did I mention, tight ?) shorts. Stupid shorts.

April sat down on the floor, bringing her legs up to chest, and placed the lemonade next to her. Great, she had to sit down … right in front of me … with those stupid shorts. I quickly averted my attention to the wall, because the way the white paint complimented ... The more white paint was very interesting. And also, because in addition to the shorts, I also noticed how the effort she's spent in the kitchen has made her skin flush, and she's all glistening with the good kind of sweat (you know what I mean!) and she has her hair up which I've always been a fan of for some weird reason. And if April wasn't my very platonic best friend I might even say she looks really hot right now. But I won't. Because she is my very platonic best friend. And this is probably crossing a lot of lines I shouldn't cross.

"I met Gina." I say, bringing up some conversation so that the thoughts in my head would just go away, because there was a time and place for everything and this was not it. Although these days the time and place was late night, in my dreams and again, we're back to things I'd rather not think about.

"Who ?" April asks, sipping on her juice, looking at me confused, until I remembered that the girl isn't probably called Gina. Yep, I'm a terrible person.

"Oh eerrrr I think her name is Gina, um ... Tall blond, blue eyes ..." Honestly, I hadn't even looked at her all that much, and I was solely guessing she had blue eyes.

"Uuhhh OH. I know ! She lives on the floor above us right ? Wait no her name's Natalie." I wasn't even close. Okay so maybe I wasn't even listening to her all that much. Whatever, I had more important things to do. Like ... hauling rocks to my apartment and mentally sketching all the ways April could have casually called me her fiancé. For reasons I'm still unaware as to why.

"Oh sure Natalie, yeah she was hitting on me. Even after I told her I had a fiancé" I say, as I secretly wait for her reaction for using her as my way out of dates. I don't know why this is important, it just is.

April laughs and something inside of me tells me that that's not reaction I wanted, although I'm not sure what exactly was the reaction I wanted. Maybe … jealousy? Why? Who knows. Stupid dimples. Stupid shorts.

"She hit on me too. Even after she found out I had a fiancé" April said, winking and continuing to laugh, although I was no longer finding the joke funny. I hated this Gina girl ... Sorry Natalie. Who cares ? She's awful. I mean who hits on someone after they say they have a fiancé. And plus, April doesn't swing that way. Or maybe she does. No no I would know. Although I really didn't need a mental image of April playing for the other team because that's really not helping with the whole not crossing lines thing. Regardless, as far as she knew, April could like girls and as far as she knew she was hitting on my woman. How dare she ? I sigh in anger, realising immediately that I was back to being insane and delirious and also realising that maybe this was the reaction I was hoping for although I have no idea why. (No I really don't. No clue)

"It was so funny. I had no idea she was flirting until she was all, 'you smell really nice'," April moves nearer to me, demonstrating how Gina (can't help it, too late) was flirting with her, although I could've really done with the verbal explanation thank you. Because right now, April has one hand on my thigh, leaning into me and whispering into my ear in a really low voice I've never heard her use, and honestly I'm losing all train of thought at this moment because I have no idea what is happening to my body right now. I finally exhale the breath I had no idea I was holding when April falls back on the floor, laughing hysterically, explaining the rest of the story, even though I can't hear anything she's saying. All I can hear is my heart beating really fast and blood pounding in my ears and a certain appendage tightening in my pants. Oh shit. Okay, SHIT SHIT SHIT. I have to leave now, because if April sees this, she's going to get weirded out and she won't get it because she's her and because even I don't get it, because all she was doing was showing me how Gina was acting and now I need a really really cold shower. Stupid Gina. Stupid appendage. Okay, maybe I don't mean that second part. But Gina ... stupid.

"Um I'm gonna go unpack these stuff now." I say, clearing my throat loudly and moving towards April's room at the speed of light. Okay, maybe it wasn't that fast because rocks are really heavy and I'm spent and oh also most of my blood is been pumped to the wrong place right now.

"Thank you ! Wait you forgot your lemonade !" April yells after me.

"Oh um ... Not thirsty." I yell back, although I'm internally punching myself because I was really looking forward to that lemonade and I can't go back because I don't want April moving out as soon she moved in (nor can I risk a restraining order against me – although April wouldn't go that far … would she? Nah, I'd have to have been a real douche for her to do that) So, I have to forget that I might drop dead from dehydration and go on, because dropping dead is a lot more satisfactory than having to back and face April right now. ERGH stupid human need to hydrate oneself.

I almost trip on a small bag on my way to April's room and curse out loud because I'm frustrated enough as it. I notice how it's labeled 'April - Clothes' (yep she even labeled our suitcases, as if we can't figure out that there's clothes in the suitcases. Honestly, I just think she likes using the label maker - like when you're a kid and you sharpen your pencil because you think the electronic sharper is really cool). I figure I might as well unpack it for her because it weighs practically nothing and she's done an excellent job with the kitchen and honestly I need as much time as I can get to away from April right now.

I find out that what I thought were rocks were actually her medical books and honestly how many of these can a person have ? Why are there 4 boxes of these ? To top it all off she's written instructions which say "alphabetized" so I guess I'm going to have to put the books in an alphabetical order and as someone who doesn't want to put books in any order whatsoever, I have half a mind to just go back downstairs to get more stuff. And then I remember that there's a bag that weighed next to nothing and it's probably scarves or whatever and those are the easiest to unpack because all I have to do is just jam them inside a drawer. And so here I am now, someone who as a result of being unable to control a certain part of their body, came into this room to hopefully get some reprieve from whatever that was that happened with April, standing in front of a bag, filled with many, many ... Many, lacy, really provocative ... Lingerie.

It's not like I don't think April wears lingerie. I mean, she's a woman. But ... she's been my best friend and up until recently, I hadn't really spent all that much time thinking about what kind of underwear she wore. But then when I did think about that, I thought she'd be the simple type. You know, white, sweet, innocent. Not, red, lacy, barely covers anything so might as well not wear anything at all. It looked like she'd robbed a Victoria's Secret shop. I know that at this point if anyone walked in on me, I'd want to crawl into a hole and die because I was just standing there gawking at women's underwear, but it was so hard to look away especially when there were things even I'd never seen before and I have seen my share of underwear.

"Hey Jackson, have you seen ..."

SHIT SHIT SHIT. Now keep in mind that I've faced a lot of panic inducing situations in my life. Off the top of my head, I managed to remain calm and save someone's life all the while having a gun pointed at me and my colleagues. So that should mean that I calmly back away, pretend that that bag had always been there, be all 'gee golly I didn't even notice' and then all awkwardness will be avoided. Except that is not at all what happened. Panicking, I attempted to throw the bag into the wardrobe, but then I didn't look where I was going and this time successfully fell over a the stupid box of medical books (which I'll admit I should have moved to the corner of the room so that no one would trip - let this be a lesson learnt) and so when April comes into the room, I'm sat on my ass, in the middle of the room, with books and lingerie all around me.

"Jackson what ... OH MY GOD. IS THAT ... WHERE DID YOU FIND THAT? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" April is now running around the room, picking up odd pieces of lingerie and stuffing them back into the bag, all the while yelling things I cannot make out because she becomes unintelligible when she's really worked up and I feel really bad because I can tell how embarrassed she is about this whole thing. Stupid boxes. Stupid cat that dies out of curiosity.

I pluck a tiny, emerald green panty that had unceremoniously landed on the top of my head and hand it over to April who's stuffing a stubborn lace teddy. She looks up at me, blows a strand of hair out of her face, huffing in frustration. She practically yanks the underwear away from my hand, blushing deeply and avoiding any and all eye contact. I can honestly say I've never been more ashamed of myself than at this very moment.

"I swear I was just going to unpack it because I wanted to help you, PROMISE!" I say, holding up my hands in defence. It's not like I'm lying per se. Granted, I should've just casually moved on after discovering what the bag contained instead of doing what I did, but I will never say that to April. As far as she knows I only discovered it seconds before she walked in. She stands with her hands on her hips, deciding whether to believe me or not, and still refusing to look at me because of the awkwardness of this situation.

"Give me that." She says, pointing to a piece of lingerie stuck underneath my thigh, that I hadn't noticed. I lifted it up from under my leg and held it out for her, even though I was just trying to figure out what the hell it was, because I wasn't sure how anything was supposed to go anywhere.

"What is -?"

"DON'T."

"How do you –"

"STOP."

I shrug, although I bite down on my lip to suppress the laugh that's threatening to come up. I can't help it. Once the weirdness of the situation is gone, well at least for me (April's still looking at me like she just caught a peeping tom) the whole thing was a little hilarious. Apparently though my poker face wasn't half as good as I thought it was.

"STOP LAUGHING IT'S NOT FUNNY!" April smacked me hard on the back of my head. God, that woman could land a punch. And this isn't the first time. I recall getting smacked on the back of my head when I was low key (or so I thought – man, I'd make a really shitty spy) checking out the intern Karev slept with. Like I said, a little ball of spitfire.

"LOOK I HAVE LINGERIE, IT'S NOT SOMETHING TO LAUGH ABOUT OKAY? EVERYONE HAS IT. AND YES, BRING ON THE VIRGIN JOKES, WHATEVER. STOP LAUGHING JACKSON STOP !" She was now covering my mouth with her hand, although instead of quieting me she's just cutting off my air supply. Or maybe that was her plan in the first place. I take her hand off my mouth and pull her to the floor, letting her sit next to me, holding her arms together so she can't walk off.

"I'm not laughing because you have lingerie, April. And I've already apologized about the virgin jokes, but I'll say it again, I was an asshole and this asshole is forever going to be sorry about it.," It's true it was definitely not one of my best moments, but I needed her to know that the laughing had nothing to do with it being April who wears the lingerie, or even the fact that it's lingerie, but more or so to do with the fact that this whole situation is absolutely hilarious, because I came in here to stop thinking about my best friend in "that way" and the lingerie is doing the exact opposite. Also, falling on my ass with April's panties on my head, would've been a sight (yeah yeah, take a picture!). I tell her that and wouldn't you know it has her laughing in less than a second because getting caught with underwear on my head is comedy gold. But whatever, as long as she's not thinking that I laughed at the image of her in lingerie, because that image is not funny. It's a whole other bunch of emotions that I'm willing myself not to linger on, but funny is definitely not one of them.

"I get them from this subscription box. My sisters got it for me a couple of years ago for my birthday as a gag gift. They send you like 5 pieces each month and if you like any, you buy them. IT WAS SO EMBARASSING. MY PARENTS WERE THERE." April yells, clearly still mad at the memory, hiding her face in her hands. I could completely relate to this, except for the fact that the person embarrassing me in front of my parent is said parent herself. You know how parents have a hard time talking to their kids about the birds and the bees, well not my mom. She kind of stormed into my room when I was 13, gave me very … VERY scientifically accurate explanation of sex, and then handed me a box of condoms. Needless to say, I've quickly gotten over shame of someone implying sex in front of your parent. My mother would be more than happy to talk about my sex life.

"Wait, so why do you own like … a 100 pieces?" First of all, I didn't know that was a thing. I wish they'd have a subscription service for male underwear. It would make my life that much easier. Secondly, if it was a subscription service then she didn't really have to buy the underwear per se, she could just easily cancel it.

"Because I'm weird, and I get weird about stuff like this. Like, I don't not want to cancel it because I don't want them to think I'm a prude who has something against lingerie, and so I keep paying for it each year, and then I don't want to not buy anything because then they'll think I'm cheap and I don't spend money on expensive underwear and then I end up buying all 5 pieces every month because I don't want the person who picked it out for me to think I don't like the ones they picked out. I mean what if I end up not buying their favorite underwear and then they start to question how good they are at picking underwear? Also, what if I pick only the boring ones and not the weird exciting ones that I have to read an instruction manual to figure out how to wear and so they're like 'oh April never buys the exciting underwear, she just wears the plain white ones' and they sit around at lunch and judge my plain white underwear choices because I can't help that I love plain white ones, they are so easy and I love the ones that have kittens on them or spaceships because THEY ARE SO CUTE AND SO MUCH MORE COMFORTABLE !" April finished, breathing heavily to make up for the oxygen she started to need about halfway through that rant, which I just sat there for, brows raised, listening to, without a word. Because I don't think there was much I could contribute to her vendetta against sexy lingerie and I knew all along that April was the kind of girl who liked those underwear with puppy paws on them, so there wasn't much there I could disagree on.

"Well aren't you every company's wet dream?" I say, smirking, because I didn't think laughing was all that wise right now. It was insane how April's constant insecurity about being liked and her need to constantly please everyone to the cost of herself, would be efficiently milked by any and all companies that she would shop at. I realize that I should probably do something about that if I didn't want my best friend to go broke.

"Shut up! ARGH THIS IS EMBARASSING. NO TELLING ANYONE. EVER. I swear, if I hear Karev breath a word of this I will castrate-" I really didn't need to hear the end of that sentence.

"I won't I won't, I promise." I say, finally letting myself laugh because I can see that she's finally come around to see the humour in what just happened.

"Okay. Thank you. Now let's go get lunch. I'm starving!" April said, getting up, and pulling on my shirt gesturing me to do the same.

"Is it weird to know this much about your underwear choices because I'm sure I could write a book dedicated to how you feel about underwear." I say, winking at her, just to get her riled up again.

"STOP !" She yells at me, although she's giggling, pushing me away with her arm. She walks out the door and then suddenly I need to sit down, because all I can think about is how absolutely sexy as hell April Kepner would look in that red, lacy set, and I KNOW that that is definitely crossing a lot of lines. I groan as I look down at my pants.

"I'M GONNA TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE WE LEAVE." I say out loud, padding uncomfortably towards the bathroom.

* * *

I have come to the conclusion that I would hands down kill someone for April's cooking. Okay, maybe not kill. But I would have a hard time deciding which to sacrifice if someone told me that Karev could live only if I could never taste April's food again. I mean, sure I'd choose Karev in the end ... Okay, MAYBE I'll chose Karev at the end. Don't judge me unless you've tasted it.

Anyway, here I am, salivating the dinner that awaits me as soon as I finish winning this challenge that we've set upon ourselves due to the annoying situation we're in thanks to IKEA. We were supposed to have our new beds delivered to us today, because the apartment is fully furnished sans our beds. So here we are, with one bed set up, unable to determine which one of us gets the bed because we're best friends and best friends don't politely offer the bed to you, NOPE they fight you tooth and nail for it. April hates sleeping on the couch because it's too chilly and I hate sleeping on the couch because I have back problems whenever I do. So here we are, ready to fight each other out for the bed. Well not actually fight (mostly because I'd never hit a woman and I'm pretty sure April could take me) but win this game April devised to determine who'd get the bed. Basically, you're given a box containing the same amount of the same items and the person to unpack them from the bubble wrap the quickest wins. She'd initially suggested that we see who could organize the shelves the quickest, but no way was I falling for that because we both knew who would win and I really really needed to win.

"Okay. So ... On my count. 1. 2. 3. GO."

I don't know how fast my hands were moving at this point, because they were unwrapping bubble wrap at a 'sonic the hedgehog' speed. And my mind was doing all it could to mentally restrain myself from popping the plastic bubbles - I feel like this is inbred in all of us and I may have popped a couple (trust me, try holding bubble wrap in your hands and resist the urge to pop it).

"Jackson LOOK." I looked up quickly to see what April was talking about, to find her grinning at her box triumphantly. Damn it. She'd distracted me using the oldest trick in the book.

"Nice try, Kepner." I said, although I realised that during time I had taken to complain about my righteous indignation at her actions, she had managed to unpack a good 5 items and now here I was, far far behind. Fine. She wanted to play dirty, let's.

I bent down slightly, wrapped one arm around her legs, gently throwing her over my shoulder and moving my arm to secure it over her waist. April squealed loudly, squirming so much I was afraid she was going to fall. I held on to her tight, ensuring she doesn't fall off no matter how much she moves around.

"JACKSON WHAT ARE YOU DOING PUT ME DOWN THIS INSTANT! JACKSON !" April yelled, although it was really hard to understand what exactly she was saying through all the high pitched laughter.

"No can do. You play dirty, so do I." I get a smack to my back, followed by more giggling and squirming. I laugh along, and once I'm certain she can't squirm her way out of my hold, I start taking items from my box and putting them into hers. I silently congratulate myself at my brilliance, reassuring myself that the reason why I came up with my brilliant plan is because I need the bed really bad and nothing at all with how much I like the having April this close to me.

"You're such a cheater!" She yells, twisting her body, so she can see what I'm doing. She now has her arms around my neck and her face is dangerously close to my cheek that when she speaks, I can feel her lips graze my skin. I try to regulate my breathing because there's no reason whatsoever that I should be affected by this but I am more than I'd ever admit.

I lose focus for a minute and April catching up on this takes the opportunity to tickle my neck. I snap out suddenly, almost dropping her to the floor, because yes, I am a grown man who is extremely ticklish. And I hate, no wait, LOATHE being tickled. I carefully set her down and she immediately goes on to swapping her items into my box, all the while tickling any part of me she can find. And of course, I strike back, I have to. I start ticking her sides, knowing she's just as ticklish as I am, sending April to a fit of giggles, causing her to kneel down laughing. I continue swapping until her hand comes up and takes the last item from her box and run out from between my legs. Sneaky. Very sneaky. If she unwraps that last item, I lose. And I cannot lose this. More so now than ever. I mean, technically we could share the bed, we've done it enough times before. Right after the shooting, before I started seeing Lexie, I'd crawl into April's bed whenever I couldn't sleep or she'd come to mine and then even sometimes after Lexie, when we were studying for boards and we'd fall asleep and I don't think either of us had the heart to ask the other to leave. But now I couldn't. I mean, things were ... Different. Right ? I don't know how different ... Or maybe I do know how. Honestly it's becoming increasingly clear to me that denial isn't just a river in Egypt.

I almost catch her before she pries from under my arms and runs off the direction of the couch. Damn her for being so tiny!

"THE FLOOR'S LAVA!" April yells out of the blue, jumping on to the couch. Yep. We still do that. We are in fact almost 30 year old grown ass people with jobs in which we are responsible for other people's lives, but the moment we hear those words, it's do or die. I run up to the nearest arm chair, right next to couch. April shuffles to the the edge of the couch, away from me, and starts unwrapping the last mug, smug look on her face. Great. Great. She's going to win and then I'm going to sleep on the couch and then I'm going to get a back problem and then I'm going to need April to rub pain relief cream on my back and now I'm failing to see the disadvantage of sleeping on the couch and the fact that I fail to see a disadvantage is the reason why I need to win this.

"Looks like you'll be sleeping on the couch Jack- OOOFGH" Yep I jumped. It's like that leap of faith thing people do except this is barely any distance and I have long legs so it was more like just one tiny step of faith, but regardless it felt exhilarating. I did however knock April out and pinched her down on the couch, because let's face it that takes minimum effort, prying the mug away from her hands.

"NO! GIMME I WAS WINNING!" Which is true because technically she already has the wrapping almost fully removed and she should win this one, and I'm just about to concede when I realize that the position I'm in means I'm practically straddling April, my legs resting next to hers, seated on her lap, her body stretched out beneath mine. Okay. NOPE. EVACUATE POSITION IMMEDIATELY. God, this was getting ridiculous. I'm pretty sure that over time people have been weirded out by our friendship because we've been, as Karev described it, "freakishly close" so stuff like this shouldn't faze me. But it does and that's not good. It can't be good. It's shouldn't. Honestly, that thing I keep saying about getting laid, yep it needs to happen. Because I'm going to keep blaming this on that.

April's scream bring me back to reality and I notice all the lights go off.

"Jackon!" April screams, clinging on to my body, fingers scrunching up my T-shirt. April had always been scared of the dark. Mainly because she watches dumb horror movies, voluntarily scares herself shitless and then refuses to sleep at night. Honestly, I'll never understand her logic behind that.

"Okay alright, hold on, don't be scared, I'm going to find us ... Some form of light and I'll call the landlord, okay?." I say, pulling out my phone from the pocket, holding on to April's with my other hand. She nods, face buried into my chest. Apparently a fuse has gone out and we'll only get electricity back tomorrow. Great. First day we move in and this happens. I don't own a torch and I highly doubt people pack candles when they move or whatever.

"April did you pack candles?" I feel her nod against me, mumbling something about checking the second drawer on the left cabinet in the kitchen. So apparently people do pack candles when they move. Or at least April does. Yep, it's probably just April.

"Okay, I'm gonna go get them alright."

"NO. I'm coming!" She clings on to my body, refusing to unwrap her arms from around my waist, holding on to my body in a death grip. I wrap one arm around her shoulders, securing her to the side of my body and carefully navigate my way to the kitchen. After fumbling around, and more than once hitting my hand constantly against pointy things (stupid corners !) I finally come across the candles and the matchsticks and light them up, instantly feeling April relax against me as the light fills the room. It takes a lot of self control not to yell out, 'LET THERE BE LIGHT' because I know April is still on the edge and I don't think a joke would be appreciated at this moment.

"Well this is fun. You know who has electricity right about now? Alex. I hate him." I say, as April giggles softy at that, and it makes me feel happy.

"Imagine if he lived with us. God, he'd be whining the whole time until the light came back." And I have to agree. Although I'd understand why he'd be whining because I feel like whining myself, but obviously I'm not going to because I don't want April to think I react to situations the same way Alex does, even though I very much do. And I have no idea why I'm trying to impress my best friend because she already knows I'm a baby when it comes to stuff like this. Whatever, that's a thought for another time.

"Okay, here take this candle, go back and sit on the sofa, and I'll bring us some food. How does breakfast for dinner sound?" I say, waving a box of Cheerios in front of April. Oh and did I mention the stupid light going out meant that April can't make dinner, because we have an electric stove (stupid advancement of technology) and so in addition to my whiny mood, I'm also pissed off because I'm getting cheated out of something I was really looking forward to.

"Cool. But you know, I'll just hang around here with you. You know ... in case you … spill the milk … or something." Really? That's the excuse she was going with. She really missed a career as a lawyer this one. I roll my eyes, because we both know that not two minutes ago, she was gripping on to me like her life depended on it, and that had nothing to do with milk spillage and a lot to do with the fact that she thinks the ghost from a paranormal activity is going to jump out at us any minute. The scariest thing about a ghost jumping out at us isn't even the fact that it's a ghost, but they always mess up the house, like knock down lamps and shit. Although if a ghost knocked down furniture in my house, I'd whoop his ass until he cleaned the mess up himself. I don't have time for that.

I put milk and cereal into two bowls and hand one over to her, because she's still holding on to one of my hands, refusing to let it go. Spilling milk, my ass. I plop down next to her on the couch, reaching for the remote and remembering that there's no TV and I can't blame electricity for that because I just haven't put my new TV up and that's mostly my fault because I procrastinated for the majority of the afternoon.

April crosses her legs beneath her, and loops one arm through mine, holding on to the cereal bowl. I sigh and laugh softly because it's kind of adorable how a doctor whose job is to see blood and gore every day is so scared of something that isn't even real. You think she'd be worried about robbers and gangs, but nope, she's fine with those. Supernatural beings that aren't even real? Scared to death.

"You know who'd have a hoot with us moving in together? Reed and Charles." I smile at that statement because I'd just been thinking that earlier today and it's true, they would've been thrilled. What with Mercy West Forever and whatnot. Reed may have insisted that it was lame but we all took it to heart.

"You mean Reed would refuse to speak to you for a week because you didn't move in with her and Charles would make inappropriate jokes about the two of us until you threatened to cut his balls off or something." It wasn't the most natural friendship, the 4 of us. In fact after our first week together, we hated each other. I thought Reed was rude, Percy was useless, and April was Little-Miss-Know-It-All. The 5th guy in our intern group was fine, Travis or Trevor I think he was called (yep, I'm bad with names). And I'm sure they all thought I was vain and stuck up (I know April did for sure). So we spend the majority of our time biting each other's heads off, until one day we almost let a patient code because we were too busy arguing with each other. April of course noticed, and we ended saving our first life together. That kind of stuff brings you closer.

"Charles used to say we act like an old married couple." April said, her voice getting heavy. I don't think talking about them is ever going to be easy for either of us.

"We do. Sometimes. Remember the time you refused to let me eat more than 1 cookie because you were scared about my blood sugar. It doesn't get more old married couple than that." It's annoying. It really is. She'll walk into the kitchen and I'll be eating instant noodles, and she'd pull the bowl away from me and make me brisket or something all the while yelling about processed food. The thing about a farm girl is that, calories don't matter as long as it's natural. So I can eat as many pieces of pie I wanted as long as it wasn't pie from a can. The logic there is impeccable. So I have to hide my pie in a can in my room and eat it when she's not at home.

"You have awful eating habits." April said, shaking her head at me, laughing softly. I smiled back at her. It was really nice to know that there was someone looking out for me like that. Someone who made sure I ate well, and was looked after. It gave me a funny feeling in my stomach. Probably the cereal.

"I'm so glad we can talk about them like this. Do you know what I mean." I turn my body around to look at her, resting my cheek against the headrest.

"Yeah I know what you mean. It's like back then they were bad memories, things I didn't want to think about. But now, I can sit here and remember how I had some of my best memories with them." She says, copying my movements, her eyes having a faraway look.

"Did you know Reed loved him ? Charles. She never told him because it never made any sense to her. She was scared of complicating things with him. So she was in denial. For so long. That sucks." April sighed, running a hand through her hair.

Wait. What? REED LOVED CHARLES BACK? This was news. I mean, trust me, I knew full well how Charles felt about Reed. She was all he talked about. I'm pretty sure there were days when I came to work annoyed at Reed just because Charles had spent last night crying into his beer about whoever she was dating at the time. I had sympathy, but it also didn't extend beyond 10.30 p.m. on a work day. Regardless, Reed had never once indicated she'd reciprocated any of those feelings towards Charles. In fact it had been quite the opposite. She'd acted like the mere thought of them together was way too weird, once even saying, "it'll be like incest." Charles had been friend zoned to the heavens. So yep, this news was definitely a surprise.

"What ? Are you - seriously ?"

"Yep. As much as he loved her." April replied, nodding her head, slight frown grazing her features.

We stayed silent for a while, letting the revelation seep in.

"Did you know he was going to tell her? The day of the shooting? He was finally gonna fess up. That sucks." I reply, mimicking her frown. Because if he'd told her that day, and they hadn't been shot, maybe ... just maybe, Reed would have taken a chance on him and then who knows ? They could've been happy. Or if he'd just told her he loved when he knew he did. Then they would've had time. The whole thing was a mess.

"It all sucks." April said, bringing her fingers up to her face, slowly wiping away tears. I take her hand and pull her to my chest, letting her rest her head against my shoulder. We were mostly healed. But there were some days when I'd have a nightmare every now and again or April would say something and it would remind her of them, causing her to burst in to tears, and I'd realise that maybe we weren't all that healed. But, you know, we were getting there.

"Like Mark and Lexie. God ... What are those two doing, honestly." I could finally say that without it hurting. Because they were supposed to be together and now they had the chance but they weren't doing anything. Not really, anyway.

"I don't get why they people so long, you know. For whatever stupid reason, like because they were scared or angry or in denial, when they know ! They knew ... All along. It's just so ..." April says, raising her hands to her head, like this whole thing made no sense to her whatsoever.

"Stupid ?"

"Yep." She nods, bringing her head back to my shoulder.

"A lot of things are stupid." I say, because it's true. A lot of things were stupid today. But this was probably the stupidest. And something inside me is rolling its eyes at me, because it knows something I don't. Or maybe something I just don't want to say out loud to myself ... and that something made me a hypocrite.

"I agree." She says, "I think they're together. They are. They are together. Charles and Reed."

"What, in heaven?" I joke, because I don't believe in that. My family wasn't the religious kind. We believe in fact and science; things we can see and touch, things that didn't take much effort to believe in. There was really no place for religion.

April looks up at me for a minute and I can see her studying my face. She carefully lowers her gaze, opens her mouth as if to say something and quickly shuts it as if she decided otherwise.

"They're together." She simply says, nodding her head with certainty.

"I honestly hope so." I reply, because I do. Because even though I don't believe in soul mates and the afterlife, or even happy endings, it helps to believe in them. It helps me sleep at night.

"I'm sleepy. Okay ... go now. You're hoarding space on my bed." April speaks up suddenly, pushing me away from the couch.

"No no. You won. By CHEATING. But still ..." I reply, shrugging my shoulders and refusing to move. I knew that whatever said and done, I was going to end up giving her the bed anyway, so there was no point arguing about it.

"Jackson it's okay. You pay more rent than I do, so it's only fair -" She really needed to stop using that excuse, it was bumming me out.

"Okay this rent thing ... It cannot become a weird thing between us okay ? Doesn't make me more of a roommate than you. So no, you get the bed and I'm slumming it on the couch." I lay down horizontally, with my legs across her lap, to prove my point. I feel her run her hands against my right leg, and I instantly freeze up. It's an innocent gesture. We've always been very ... touchy-feely with each other. So this shouldn't be a problem. But it is. That's how things are now … for ... whatever reason.

"You know you can sleep with me ... right ?" April begins, immediately backtracking when she realises her choice of words having a double innuendo. "Next to me, I meant ... Next to me. Not WITH ... Like ... THAT. Okay I'm going now bye."

"You sure?" I say, quietly smirking at her innocence.

"Yes! Of course! We've slept in the same bed so many times. You just seemed ... weird about it tonight so I didn't push it." She was right. I had been really weird about it. I was hoping she wouldn't have noticed that, but come on, this is April. I'd have to be an idiot to think she wouldn't notice. She's better at reading my moods than my own mother is. And now I felt like an ass.

"No no, not weird. Just ... Maybe I'm not the best sleeping partner. So you know, I was just ... Concerned and ... All that ... Stuff." And here I was judging April for her bad excuses.

"Okaaaayyy. Well yes, you are a shitty sleeping buddy. You hog the bed and ... did you know you cuddle?" April said, giggling.

Um. What ? I DO NOT CUDDLE.

"Wha- I DO NOT CUDDLE."

"Yes you doooo. You're such a cuddler. That's why you hog the bed. You kind of cuddle me to the point you're pushing me out of the bed. Hm … Or maybe that's your evil plan." She winks at me, walking towards the bedroom.

Okay, here's the truth. I do cuddle. I can't help it. It's ... almost instinctive. Plus, April is so warm and cozy. I know I cuddle her because one day I woke up to get a glass of water and noticed. It's not like I consciously cuddle April. It just ... happens. And here I was hoping she'd never noticed. Although the fact that she had and she hadn't done anything to stop it was a pretty cool feeling. And there I go again. Time to go see denial again.

"Okay, first I do not cuddle. Second, even if I did, why wouldn't you say anything?" I was curious, to say the least.

"Because ... I don't mind. It's ... Um I'm going to change, okay?. I'm really tired." She said, head lowered, cheeks burning. I wasn't sure why she was all of a sudden shy about the topic, considering she's the one who was teasing me about it to begin with.

I watch her close the bathroom door behind her. I sigh as I start to remove my clothes, slipping on to a pair of sweat pants. I lie down on the bed and try my hardest not to read too much into why I wanted so badly to know why April never stopped me from cuddling her. This was getting ridiculous. Whatever this is, it's going to drive me crazy because it was becoming more and more difficult to remind myself that April was my platonic best friend and that meant I shouldn't be confused about our relationship because there's nothing to be confused about.

I hear April turn off the light and watch her walk up to the bed. Her hair a messy bun on the top of her head, wearing those stupid shorts again and then it all just hits me at once. Completely blindsided. And once it hits me, it all comes pouring out. There's no hiding this time, because there's only so much denial you can do until you can't refuse your truth anymore.

I feel April lie down next to me, I feel the heat radiating off of her body, and I can feel her foot grazing my thigh, and I have to force myself not to touch her skin and all of that means something. There's a reason, and I've always known there was a reason and now I know the reason and I hate it.

"Night, Jackson."

"Night, April."

I have feelings. I have a lot of them.

Stupid feelings.

* * *

 **THANK YOU FOR READING !**

 **Please let me know what you thought of the chapter ! :)**

P.S : To the wonderful guest reviewer who wants me to write April's point of view on this, I'm so sorry but I've kind of planned this out from Jackson's POV. I am so sorry to disappoint. BUT I will, through April's dialogue, try to indicate how she might be feeling and of course, once the story develops you'll get a more verbal confirmation of what she's feelings. Again, I hate to disappoint you but thank you for your lovely reviews.

ALSO : If you have any specific scenarios you'd like to see between these two in the fic, don't be afraid to PM me or find me on tumblr : "astoldbyacertifiedunicorn"


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi everyone ! It's been a while, I know and I'm truly sorry about that. I've just had no time to write the past month, so to make up for that here's an incredibly long chapter ! As always, thank you so much for you reviews. It makes me so happy to read them. We're going into canon storylines right now, BUT just know that I've adjusted some of the plots to fit in with the story better. Also, as I said at the beginning, it's a slowburn story, because I love exploring their friendship. Anyway, hope you enjoy !**

 _ **Disclaimer : The characters are property of Shonda Rhimes and Grey's Anatomy**_

* * *

One might not believe me when I say this, but I've never had a crush. Now hear me out, I've been attracted to women for as long as I can remember, but as condescending as this might sound, I've never had to do anything beyond be attracted to them. If I liked a girl, I'd tell her and I'd get her. Simple as that. I'm not trying to oversell myself, I promise, I'm just stating a fact. So this means that regardless of how much experience I have had with women overtime, absolutely nothing prepared me for this thing with April. A crush. I have a crush on April Kepner. It's a crush because I intend to do nothing about it. It is simply an attraction and in due time, it will go away. I know it will. Okay … I hope it will. It will. Regardless, in the short amount of time, I have had a crush on April Kepner, I have already come to the conclusion that I do not like crushes. At all. I hate it. I hate that I get this weird feeling in my chest whenever April so much as blinks. I hate that yesterday when I turned on the radio and Taylor Swift came on, I actually turned the music up. I hate that I really want to talk to someone about this like a 13 year old teenage girl giggling about a cute boy with her best friend at a sleepover. I hate that I've done all the textbook things one would do when they have a crush, short of writing Mr. April Kepner in a diary. I hate that I quite like Mr. April Kepner. I hate that I just thought that I quite liked Mr. April Kepner. I hate that I'm still thinking about it.

Now I am aware that I can avoid all this if I just tell April how I feel about her. I can't do that. April is my best friend, she is probably the only person in my life that I am very excited about knowing. I'm not socially awkward, but I'm not exactly a people person. I put up with most people and find the rest to be 'okay'. I prefer smaller circles and if April and I are the only people in my circle, I am more than happy with that. Alex and Mer are fine, they're both cool and it would be a very long stretch if I was to call Cristina my friend. I can't for obvious reasons hang out with Lexie. Sloan is the only person whom I could find myself wanting to spend time with like I do with April, but none of them are April. As much as this is starting to sound like the exposition scene in a Nicholas Sparks movie (Don't ask me how I know that. Fine. It was April) there's no one in my life who can fill her place. So, no, I'm not willing to lose her because all of a sudden I've started to wonder what kissing April would be like. And eventhough she's beautiful and intelligent and kind and arguably one of my favorite people, all this was was a crush and I wasn't willing to screw up one of the most important relationships of my life because of a crush. I will suppress, because I'm really good at that doing that and do my best to pretend that my heart beat doesn't increase every single time she breathes next to me. At this rate I won't know the difference between my crush on April and having a heart attack, so it's very logical for me to claim that this crush will actually kill me.

"So you and Kepner boink yet ?" I am brought back to reality by Alex, who slides up next to me in the nurse's desk. Honestly, does he have to call it 'boinking'. The word makes no sense. If 'boink' is the sound you hear during sex, you should probably stop what you're doing and go see a doctor.

"We are not … boinking. Shut up." I whisper back, because April is only 2 feet away, updating the OR board and the last thing I need is for her to get flustered because of Karev. Also, it's ironic of him not to believe in platonic friendships considering the fact that he's never slept with Meredith or Cristina. Now, I know me and April aren't exactly like that, well not anymore anyway. But he doesn't know that.

"Who's boinking ?" Meredith asks, walking up to us.

"Avery and Kepner."

"We are NOT … You know what, I'm not even going to say that ridiculous word. We live together. That's it." I reply, to their smirking faces.

"I wouldn't be surprised. I mean, I always thought it would have already happened by now." Meredith begins, shrugging her shoulders. Great, now her too.

"Look, if April hears this, she is going to … be April about this, so please … Stop." I say, shooting death glares at the two of them.

Meredith laughs but nods. Alex, on the other hand …

"Did you know that Avery didn't let April ask me to move in so they can boink in peace ?" Alex says to Meredith, grinning back at me.

"Alex, Leave him alone." Meredith says, although it's clear she's enjoying how uncomfortable all of this is making me (so much for bonding over our shared dislike for our families, Meredith ! )

"So can I move in now that you two are sharing a room to boink in?" Alex asks, turning back to me.

I start walking away aggressively at this point because Alex is being Alex and I really need him to stop giving me mental images of me and April boi- having sex because none of those images are helpful in my plan to avoid my feelings at all costs.

"JACKSON !"

No. No. No. NO.

This is not happening today, when I'm already having an existential crisis thanks to April, I do not need this in my life right now. It's too late to pretend that I didn't hear her and power walk into an on-call room that I can lock myself in for the remainder of the … however long she's in town for.

"Heeeyyy moooom." I groan internally, turning around to face my mother. It's not that I don't love her, I do. A lot. I just appreciate her love being returned from far away, like from Boston for example, where I can control the amount of love she showers upon me. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, as you know I'm doing the penile construction surgery on one of my patients and I chose to do it here. Oh and also, two of you get to assist me and Dr. Sloan. Don't expect a free pass though, darling. Nepotism is for the weak." My mother says, patting my cheeks. I roll my eyes, because nepotism seems to be fine if it benefits the Avery Foundation.

"Hi !" As much as that chirpy voice is my favorite thing these days, the last thing I wanted was for this inevitable meeting to happen so early in the morning. If I show even an ounce of feeling for April, my mother will smell blood and pounce on her. This wasn't the easiest thing when the object of my affection is so distractingly gorgeous and smells like vanilla cupcakes.

"April, sweetheart! It's so nice to see you. How have you been ?" My mother adored April. She liked her from the first day they met when we were interns and April spent the first 5 minute of their introduction, quoting one of my mom's research papers to her.

I watched them exchange pleasantries, wanting so much for this moment to end that I almost missed the casual mention of a 'facebook chat'.

"Um, sorry what ? Facebook ? You're friends with my MOM on facebook?" I ask her, and I immediately know she's guilty because of the puppy dog eyes she's giving me.

"Don't take it out on her. Not everything has to do with you. I enjoy April's company apart from her being your best friend, Jackson. Anyway, we'll catch up later, dear. Do me proud." My mother said, embracing April in a hug, and walking towards the skills lab.

"I love your mom, she's so incredible ! I mean, she's-"

"April. Unfriend my mom. Right. Now." I have no intention of my mother seeing my activities on social media, mostly because it's probably time I update my relationship status to "It's Complicated."

Although, what it should actually say is, "I really like this girl who I really shouldn't like because she's my best friend and the only person in my life whom I fully trust and like, because shit what the hell am I going to do if I screw it up and lose her." But, you know, I'll settle for "It's complicated."

"Fiiiinneee." April groans, rolling her beautiful, hazel eyes at me and walking away. Yep, I have officially become one of the things I hate the most in this world, 'corny'. The worst part? I want to tell her this, so bad. But I can't and I never will, because … It's complicated.

* * *

"No, it's not that I'm not happy with what you did in there baby, it's just that you're so talented and you're being so stupid wasting your skill in plastics of all places."

This argument has been going on since the time we stepped out of the OR. Honestly, all I wanted was to go to the cafeteria and have anything that doesn't have a hot dog in it. But of course what is hunger compared to having to placate your son for exercising his freedom of choice ? I was this close to flipping my shit and the only thing stopping me from doing is the fact that April is in the attending's lounge with us and I highly doubt getting escorted into the psychiatric ward is the kind of vibe I'm going for with her.

"I LIKE PLASTICS MOM. Why is that so hard for you to understand ? I enjoy it. I enjoy giving new faces to people just like you enjoy giving people new penises." I replied, throwing my scrubs into the basket. I even made a perfect basket and I was too angry to celebrate it. That's how you know how angry someone is.

"Oh don't be so crass Jackson."

I turn my attention away from my mother to roll my eyes at April in an attempt to get her to agree that my mother was been absolutely exasperating right now, but for some reason she was permanently avoiding my eyes. I was starting to get worried when I realised that I was standing in the middle of the attendings lounge, in a pair of boxers, arguing with my mother in front of the girl I liked. Great, I had officially hit a new low.

"And stop calling me 'baby' or 'sweetheart' or 'Jackie' ! When we're operating together we are DOCTORS. You're not the only Dr. Avery in this hospital." I say, pulling on my pants. I hate it when she treated me like a kid in the hospital. She could say whatever she wanted when we not working together professionally. She could even call me "pumpkin" if she wanted to. Okay, maybe not that. You get the gist.

"Oh well I'm not the only one who seems to forge that you're an Avery." She replied, scoffing and plopping down on the couch next to April.

"What's that supposed to mean ?" Now I know exactly what she means, but I need to hear her say it, because she doesn't get to throw around the biggest insult my family could muster and then act like it wasn't the lowest blow she could come up with. Now, I am fully aware that at this point my mother and I are having the logical argument of two 10 year olds but we're Avery's. We'll go all the way to 'well you started it!' before we back down.

"It means that -"

But before my mom could get a word out, the adorable red head who was blushing in the corner of the room for the past 10 minutes eventhough I had been fully clothed for the majority of that time, thought now was the perfect time to interrupt. Not that you blamed her. I'm sure as neurotic as April is, she didn't associate with the Avery level of crazy.

"Stop stop STOP !" April yelled, getting up from the couch and standing in between the two of us.

"April sweetheart, you don't understand-" It was cute that my mother actually thought that reasoning with April was going to help. I've seen this meltdown before. She was going to rip us a new one

"NO. I UNDERSTAND PERFECTLY. You two ... I don't even know ..."

"April, look -"

Well, I had to make some effort. Although to be perfectly honest I was expecting this from the moment I saw her dying to say something in the OR about my mother criticizing my surgical capabilities. April's a mother bear, if you will. She protects the ones she loves at any cost. Fortunately for me, I happen to be a part of that group. In the capacity of a friend, of course. Friend-love. Wait ... was I friend-zoning myself ?

"YOU STOP TALKING. I have things to say !" April said, pointing a finger at me threateningly. I would've been legitimately afraid of her tone if she wasn't the cutest thing when she was all riled up. Cute ... but mostly sexy. So ... very ... Sexy. If I was being honest with myself one of the times in my life I had been the most turned on by someone was the time April told us all off for making fun of her virginity (yes, I still feel like the asshole I so deservedly am). It was the hottest thing seeing her go off on all of us, that I couldn't even be mad at the fact that she was outing me screaming like a baby in the middle of the night. I was so distracted by how hot it was that I couldn't even point out that what had actually happened was that during that period of time, I was really into 80s horror movies, so the screaming was actually from the movies. It's alright though, rookie mistake on her part.

"Dr. Avery you know I have nothing but love and respect for you because you know you're incredible and inspiring and ... Anyway, the point is, that Jackson is an amazing doctor. You saw just how incredible he is. And ... Who cares if he does plastics ? What's so great about cardio anyway ? I mean, No offence to Harper Avery, of course ... Um ... Anyway, Jackson has ... just the most beautiful technique. He is so particular and careful with his stitches and it's just mesmerizing to see him work. And I just ... I really think you should be proud of him for that. Because instead of berating him for what he isn't, I really think you should celebrate the amazing things he is."

I'm pretty sure that if this was a lifetime movie, there would be sentimental music playing in the background at this point in time. I never knew April thought so highly of me. I mean, sure, she'd always made me feel more secure in my abilities but I always figured she was being that way because April only ever sees the good in people. But this was beyond that. She genuinely did see me as good doctor and I don't know why that makes me feel some type of way but it does. Okay, maybe I do, but I'm still on that whole acting like it's not happening thing. If it ain't broke, amiright ?

"Also, I know how hard he works to make sure that he makes this legacy, which may I point out he never asked for, proud. To make you proud. And if you ask him he'll deny that it matters to him, but it really does matter to him that you're proud of him. That at least you, if not anyone else, believes that he's more than just really pretty. You should tell him that instead of telling him he's wasting his time. Give him a compliment without a condition attached to it ! He's your SON ! Not a resident under your service. You can't treat him like that."

I sat there smirking at the utter bewilderment that was crossing my mother's face. No one spoke to Catheriene Avery like that, and I can bet you good money that even if someone did, April would've been the last person my mother would've pegged as being the person to give her a good talking to. I was also smirking at the fact that April thought I was, quote 'really pretty' and 'more than just really pretty'. The fact that my mother was speechless and April was one insult away from going all 'Yo Mama' on my mother, while unconsciously admitting to finding me 'more than just pretty' is making this one of the best moments of my life.

Alright, maybe I spoke too soon.

"AND YOU ... You're just AWFUL to your mother. I know you love her Jackson and I know she does too, but you're constantly acting like she's the bane of your existence. Why because she cares about you enough to want to know what's going on with your life ? Because your mother, who gave birth to you, fed you and took care of you wants to meet her son's girlfriends ? How completely irrational of her ! Your mother is a wonderful person and if you just give her a chance, I'm sure you'll realise that."

Okay then, that was not what I was expecting at all. Here I was thinking she was on my side, when in reality she could pretty much be my mother's hype man. Plus, she definitely did NOT have a really good point that made a lot of sense if you really thought about it, so I was very offended by this betrayal.

"And you know SO WHAT if you're mom isn't perfect ? You think mine is ? No. But I appreciate that she did the best she can and she raised me the way she did, so no matter how annoying it is, I will always pick up the phone when she calls. And your mom is a SINGLE MOTHER ! Do you know that that makes her so incredibly strong and ... Gosh, Catheriene I can't imagine how you did it. I have so much respect for you. Balancing a career like yours with a kid like Jackson."

Well, damn. Let me just step right off over here and plunge into the depths of the Antarctic Ocean because I was getting burnt to hell. She's right though, as much as I didn't want to admit it. I didn't like the way my mother treated me like a child and constantly criticized every aspect of my life but ... she was there. She didn't leave. And that was more than I could say for another parent of mine.

"My point is ... My point is that ... You'd rather have a mom who cares more than she should than one who doesn't care at all ... so I think you should ... Be nicer to your mom, please." April said, smiling at me softly. Honestly, it was so unfair that she was busting out her dimples for this, because she should know by now that I would publicly support a rival team in a game against the Celtics if she used those pimples on me. See, this is why I can't be with April. I'd probably end up getting deported for treason. Let me just add that to my con list right here, filled up with a list of very valid reasons why I shouldn't be with April. In case you missed that, the reasons ... are very valid.

"And Catheriene, just ask him ... ask him why he loves plastics so much ... it's not because he enjoys sucking butt fat all day. It's the look on people's faces when he does a facial reconstruction or helps an acid burn victim. That is why he loves plastics. And that's ... that's the reason we all became doctors. Not to fulfill a stupid legacy." April looked at my mother, crossing her arms against her chest. Regardless of how badass she might have been earlier in the moment, I knew how important my mother's approval was to April. I have a feeling she was finally realising that she has just yelled at Catherine Avery.

"You should both just ... HUG. You should hug. Now. Go ahead." She said, waving her arms towards us. Well, she was treating us like the kindergarten kids we were acting like, so I couldn't really blame her.

"Good. Now ... um ... Okay ... Oh god. I'm so sorry. Oh god ... I ... Uh ... I didn't mean to shout at you ! Do you hate me ? You hate me ! Oh no !" April whispered frantically, covering her face with her hands. I stifled a chuckle because I knew that was coming since the beginning of her little rant. April's surge of confidence was much like my economic soundness when purchasing sneakers I don't need - short lived.

"April ... Calm down. I'm not mad at you and I certainly don't hate you. You're right. As much as it pains me to admit that I'm wrong ... You're right." My mother replied, chuckling softly in amazement. Wait what ? Did my mother just (a) not decapitate someone for putting her in her place and (b) actually admit to been wrong. I'm almost 99% sure me and April were both whooped into a different dimension. Well as long as this dimension had pop tarts.

"Jackson ... I'm sorry. I really am proud of the man you've become. And as much as I wish you'd take your legacy more seriously, you were great today. And if that makes you happy, you should ... be a plastic surgeon. God." My mother said, sighing in frustration. Well that was as close to an apology as I'll ever get.

"Yeah try to say it a little less like I just told you I wanted to become a professional stripped." I replied, rolling my eyes, even though I actually appreciated hearing her say that. Yeah, I'm pretty sure sentimental music should be playing right about now.

"Jackson !" April said, swatting me across the chest, getting a laugh out of my mom, before her face went somber.

"I know you think ... I know you're worried about this. But ... You are nothing like ..." I cannot believe she was bringing that up in the middle of this. I knew what she was talking about.

"Yeah I get it. Thanks." I reply, dismissively, walking away from her towards my bag.

"Jackson ... JACKSON !" April loudly whispers, making eye gestures towards my mothers. Either she was doing eye exercises at the most inconvenient time imaginable or she was asking me to extend the same courtesy of an apology to my mom. And I was so whipped, that I was actually going to do it.

"Fiiiinnneee. I'm sorry too. I should include you in my life more and I really appreciate you raising me all by yourself. I really do. Thank you." It's true. I could be nicer, considering everything. She didn't ask for this legacy either. She married into it and she had to take on more than she was prepared to, because ... well things happened.

"Okay. I love you, baby." My mom replied, kissing me on my cheek.

"Mom no. Really ?"

This was so EMBARASSING. April was just ... RIGHT THERE.

"Jackson tell your mother you love her !" April said, throwing me her most menacing look. If looks could kill ... hers probably wouldn't because she just looks so hot right now, all bossy and stuff and this wasn't the most appropriate thought process to be having especially in midst of a conversation about how much my mom loves me.

"Okay alright, jeez. ILoveYouToo okay alright fine. Now can we go, please." I said, picking up my bag and walking near to the exit.

"Thank you for saving my ass in there." April said, walking up to me. She was biting her lip, looking worried. I knew she was going to incessantly ponder over this for the next week and a half.

"Yeah well, couldn't have another man be deprived of sex because of you." I joked, softly bumping against her.

"JACKSON ! I hate you." April squealed, running her hands through her hair, her face blushing a deep red shade.

"No you don't."

"No I don't."

"Thanks for ... Whatever that was." Because I am grateful that someone always had my back.

"Shut up. None of what I said was a lie. I think it's time you own up to that." She replied, smiling up at me. And cue the butterflies. Eventhough , I've always hated that term. Horrific imagery.

"Well, take me to a place with a lot of alcohol tonight because darlings we are celebrating a new penis !"

My mother said, catching up to us. No no, let me re phrase that. My mother YELLED, having caught up to us, in the hospital LOBBY, where there was dozens of people, most of whom knew she was MY mom.

"Oh god ... Mom !"

"What ? Because I said the word penis ? Oh grow up, Jackson. You certainly think very highly of your one."

Kill me now. Please.

"MOM ! Yell that any louder why don't you ?"

"Um I'll go get the car." April said, sounding mortified at having heard this exchange. Not that I blame her at all.

I watched her walk towards the parking lot and honestly, I didn't realize how giddy I was feeling about talking to April until I watched her walk off. This was pathetic. I needed to get over it. If I didn't, it would just get worse and there would be no way out. But the fact that I hadn't even noticed how I haven't had sex in more than 3 months and that I wasn't too thrilled about getting back out there anyway, because the only person I wanted that intimacy with is my virgin best friend who waited this long so she could lose her virginity to someone special, meant that I was in so deep already, I was probably going to break through the other side. Great. Just ... great. I can't help it though, she's ... something really special.

"Oh you fool. I thought I'd raised you better."

I was brought back to reality by my mother swatting the back of my head. What is with the women in my life and hitting me these days ?

"What ?" I asked, confused at why she was looking at me in disapproval.

My mother looked at me, raising her eyebrows, like she was trying to figure out something. Not that I had any idea what that was.

"Oh nothing. Nothing at all." She shrugged her shoulders and walked towards the exit where April had parked the car.

Well that was odd.

* * *

"Hm ?" I ask, still distracted by the sight in front of me. I mean, did my mother honestly think this guy was the person for April ? He looks like he wears crocs in secret and then denies it in public. You know the type. I look up to see my mother slightly smirking at me.

"So ... You and April ... Tell me about that." Cathereine asks, smiling down at her drink. Tell her about what ? That we live together ? I was sincerely hoping that had become obvious by now, considering how she has seen us share a living space, cohabiting together ... you know, like ... Roommates ?

"Um ... We live together now ?" I say, phrasing it as a question more than an answer because if my mother had short term memory loss I didn't want to insensitive about it.

"Oh don't you get smart with me boy, you know what I mean." She replies, smacking me across the head. Honestly, I'm a fully grown man in a bar surrounded by attractive women ... okay fine ! I was surrounded by the only attractive woman I gave any shit about, and getting smacked across the head by your mother wasn't the image I was trying to sell her. You know, if she was looking away from her ... man friend ... who, by the way, looks like he collects cabbage patch dolls as a hobby.

"I have no idea what you are talking about. Look, can we just go home ? I'm going to go get April." I get pulled back the moment I get up to go near her and interrupt whatever bad joke that he'd said that has April having to laugh really hard to compensate how bad it is.

"You will do no such thing. They seem to be having a great time and God knows the girl needs this. If you don't want to man up then I sure as hell won't let your jealousy ruin whatever they have going on." My mother replied.

Wha- HOW DOES SHE KNOW THIS ? I swear, this woman fell into a tube of chemical waste and can now read minds. This was insane. Whatever. It's not like I was going to admit it anyway. Hell, it was just a crush. My mom is going to get involved, blow this out of proportion and scare April into moving across the country. Not letting that happen.

"JEALOUSY ? I am not ... You know what ? April is my best friend. I know her better than you. He is not her type. I'm just ... concerned." I lie through my teeth.

"Hm sure you are. Concerned, maybe. But not for the reason you're trying to sell me." She replied, taking another sip of her drink.

I didn't reply because honestly there was nothing to say. Plus, I had a feeling that I was digging myself to China so maybe silence was the way to go. You know who could use a shovel though ? Greg Mc Cabbage Crocs. He could use a shovel. To the face.

"Oh well. Might as well be the case. I mean, you two aren't exactly ... Well ... You know." Catherine said, sighing softly.

"What's that supposed to mean ?"

"Nothing, I-"

"What ? You think I'm not good enough for April. Okay so fine yes, maybe that's a little true. She certainly deserves a lot better than me. But ..." I started to argue, only to get interrupted by my mother. I was angry, because she was right. April deserved someone who willingly watched all her sappy chick flicks and talked about their feelings. She deserved someone who would be willing to play out grand romantic gestures, like, I don't know, a flash mob. I'm not that guy. I don't do romantic. I'm cordial, I'm a gentleman but I'm not romantic. I'm closed off, stubborn and cynical. So yes, she deserved better than me. Didn't mean I had to like that fact though.

"Oh god, no honey ... That's not what I meant. Of course she'd be lucky to have you. I just said - well ... I mean ..." I followed my mom's gaze as it settled on April.

Wait. Did she mean APRIL wasn't good enough for me ? She had to be crazy right ? I mean, even on top of all the bullshit Avery standards any potential date will have to jump through and still be deemed unworthy, I'd always assumed April had a soft spot in my mother's heart. This was just ... Ridiculous.

"You think April isn't good enough ? You know what mom ..."

"Jackson ..."

"No. NO … Assuming, I feel ... something more for April. A hypothetical situation, mind you .." I really needed to stop overselling it "She is ... Amazing. Like, she's so smart, you know. It's like ... I'll talk to her about this research I heard someone talking about and she has already read it like 5 years ago and ... She's the nicest person you will ever meet. I mean, some doctors at the hospital are horrible to her and she still cares for them ... It's insane ! Did you know she learned to cook native dishes so that the African kids would feel more at home, when Alex had this programme ... Who does that ? She's the kind of person who makes soup for you when you're sick, bakes cakes for your birthday and takes you to dentist appointments ... It's like ... And and ... She's a firecracker too. I mean, piss her off or hurt someone she loves and she becomes this mother bear ... Not that you need me to tell you that ... and it's the sexiest thing in the world ... And of course ... She's ... Gorgeous. You know she smiles and ... She's just ... She deserves ... A lot more ..." I smile in April's direction because eventhough I hate Greg (God, he sounds like the kind of guy who plays golf with his boss and that's bad because ... of reasons) he's making her laugh and she has the most beautiful laugh in the world and I can't be mad at that. I turn around and it all comes crashing on me all at once. Shit. Shit. Shit. I said this out loud. I said this out loud ... TO MY MOM. How could I have been so stupid ? Of course it was a trap. Honestly, there could be a sign saying "this is NOT a trap" and I'd walk right into it being all, oh it's not a trap guys. I wanted to hit myself hard across the head with Greg's golf club.

My mother, on the other hand, also looked shocked and I wasn't sure if it had anything to do with what I said about April or the fact that I said it. Safe to say, I'm not a talk about my feelings kind of guy. I never do. Rarely, even with April. But never with my mom. We just didn't have that kind of relationship no matter how much my mother tried to force it. So I'm sure she was having an aneurysm at this very moment and probably also wondering if she'd found evidence of extra terrestrial existence - I doubt she believes I'm the same son who once sent a girlfriend to a spa vacation to avoid her meeting my mother.

"Jackson ... Sweetheart, I didn't ... I thought it was just a crush." She replied, after having significantly recovered from her initial shock.

What is she talking about ? Of course it's just a crush. I am, as inconvenient as it is, infatuated with my best friend. It was lust ... The forbidden fruit, if you may.

"It IS just a crush ... It'll pass." I say, way more confident than I actually am. In fact I am so much more confident that this won't pass and that scares me a hell of a lot more than I would admit so I'm just going to act like it's isn't happening. Honestly, I should becomes a life coach.

"Honey ... I don't know what delusional land you live in ... But this is anything but a crush. I've never heard of you talk about a girl like that ..." Catherine replied, softly shaking her head in disbelief, still caught off guard at my grand declaration. This was ridiculous. She was acting like I'd just declared undying love for April. Honestly, for a woman so smart it's astounding how clueless she was.

"She's great, okay. So yes, I speak highly of her. But ... Whatever. I thought she was just as great when she was just my best friend ... Not that she isn't anymore. She is. Just that ... It's a lot more ... Weird now. Whatever. I don't want to talk about this. Let's move on." I reply, getting a little agitated seeing the douchebag slyly run a hand across her waist. Idiot. I hate him. And it wasn't even funny anymore.

"Oh baby. Sooner or later, I guess." I had no idea what the hell she was talking about and I had no intention of finding out because Mr. I Can't Drink Anything Stronger Than Beer was whispering in April's ears.

"You know, I want to go home now. And I remember April saying she wanted me to read a report of hers. I doubt I'll have time in the morning so maybe she should come home now, instead of later. Don't you agree ?"

I smile for the first time that night, because I underestimated my mother. Whatever said and done, she was on my team.

I walk over to April, giving the stink eye to Greg to let him know that I don't like him, you know if it wasn't obvious to already.

"Heeeeyyy Jackman !" April says, giggling unnecessarily while beaming at me, like how your puppy gets excited when you come back home from work. I was honoured. Also, this meant that April was very very tipsy.

"GREG ! This is my BEST friend JACKMAN ! His real name isn't Jackman, I just call him that because ... uuuhhhhh ... I DON'T KNOW." She shakes her head at Greg like he's being impossible, asking her these difficult questions. So naturally, I also shake my head at Greg for not asking April impossible questions. Greg's so difficult, I tell you.

"Nice to meet you - um ?" Greg asked, holding his arm out.

"Jackson. Although, I'm going to be Jackman for the rest of the night for this one." I said, shaking his hand. Here's the thing about being an Avery. You learn how to do things other people simply pick up. You're taught the proper way to tie a tie, the way to use cutlery, the way to fold a suit, and the "We Come From Money" Handshake. Harper taught this to me when I turned 13, like any fellow 13 year old is going to treat me with respect just because I can shake hands well. I'd have probably gotten beat up if I tried that out in school. Anyway, you know who does recognise the handshake ? Greg. He looks up at me, all "oh shit this guy is competition" and I puff my chest out because that's what's become of my life.

"He's the bestest bestest ... best." April says, solemnly nodding her head like she'd just said the most intellectual thing either of us had ever heard in our lives.

Greg nods at April, entirely unsure what exactly he's gotten himself into. He likes her, I can tell. Because he's trying really hard to convince himself that there's nothing going on between us. Here's the thing that I learnt the day we went apartment shopping - if you don't know us, you're going to assume we're dating. Now more so than ever. We live together, we hang out with each other more than any other person in our lives and neither of us have a conception of personal space when it comes to the other. To add to this, Drunk April is a lot more touchy feely than she'd like to admit. One really drunk episode, led to her slapping my butt and going "BUNS OF STEEL JACKMAN ! BUNS OF STEEL !". A story which to this day she will deny ever happening.

Here we are, standing in front of Greg holding hands, with April giggling into my chest, and him looking at me like he wants me to tell him there's nothing to worry about because I am her very gay best friend. I should probably at this point let him know about how platonic our relationship is but I don't, because … I'm looking out for April. He's not the guy for her. So I smile back at him and make awkward small talk (apparently he doesn't play golf – he plays 'tennis' – like that's any better),with an adorably drunk April butting in to make really horrible puns out of practically every other word I say, all the while letting Greg come to the conclusion that he had no chance.

"Well we better get going ?" I say, more or so asking April whether that will sufficiently get her out of this awkward situation. She nods slowly, and quickly excuses herself from Greg to go to the bathroom. I knew throwing her into this "date" was a bad idea. A trauma surgeon who thrives in an environment that requires quick action in unknown dangers, has absolutely zero ability to deal with situations like that in her personal life for which she hasn't prepared hours before. Ergo, the excessive amount of alcohol. Liquid courage helps, unless you're a lightweight like April. In which case, it only makes it worse.

I look at Greg, once I realise he's been asking me a question this whole time. I really need to work on this whole 'getting lost in thought while looking at April's retreating figure' thing I've been doing lately if I want to keep this crush under wraps.

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch that."

"Oh, uh, I asked if you two used to date or something ?" Greg says, awkwardly shuffling his feet.

"Eh. No no. We haven't dated. She's um ... she's my bestfriend." I reply, clearing my throat at the uncomfortableness of this situation. Leave it to Greg to make things weird.

"That's it ? There's nothing more going on ?" He asks, eyebrow raised, looking at me like he wasn't entirely buying my answer. Not that I blamed him. Like I said, we screamed "couple!" so much that whenever I came to a bar with April, I could physically feel women walking away from me because they thought she was my girlfriend. Not that I cared, really. If I was hanging out with April that was because I wanted to hang out with HER. I know better than to make her my wingman.

"Wha- No there's nothing more, I -"

"Look man, she's cool. I like her. I want to ask her out on a date, but ... I'm not a fan of complicated." Greg said, shrugging his shoulders.

Look, I'm aware that at this point I'm supposed to ease his worries and tell him to go ahead and ask April out because there's nothing complicated about it. Because it's true. I'll never complicate things for her if she's happy. That ... is what I SHOULD do. But I also SHOULD not have crush on my best friend. So, that logic is flawed.

"We're not ex's ... exactly." Not a lie.

"Okay ?"

"But we're not not together also ... kind of." Not a lie either. We live TOGETHER in our apartment.

Greg looks at me, more confused than before.

"I mean, we're not JUST friends. We're ... More than that ... in a way." Again, not lying. We are also roommates and colleagues.

"So ... It's complicated." Greg sighs.

"Okay." I reply, because I never actually told him that we were complicated, he just came up with that on his own.

"Well ... Lucky you." Greg says, holding his hand up for a high five. Who HIGH FIVES people in this situation ? Honestly, April should thank me for this.

Lucky me, who's too much of a pussy to date April, high fives him back at the exact moment April comes back from the bathroom, looking a little sober than she did before. After couple of awkward minutes of goodbyes, we're walking home, my mother trailing behind us like a creepy stalker.

"I blew it, didn't I ?" April asks quietly, breaking the silence.

"What ?"

"Greg. I was SO nervous and so you know I drank half my body weight in the hopes that alcohol would make it better, but ... Alcohol does NOT make it better!" She replies, groaning into her hands.

Oh. Crap. She blames herself. Of course she does. This is April. I forget how insecure she is sometimes, especially when she's being this badass surgeon. But she is also incredibly insecure.

"Did you want to date him ?" I ask, although I'm apprehensive about the answer. If she says yes I'm going to feel like the world's biggest douchebag.

"I don't know." April replies, shrugging her shoulders. She jumps on to a small brick ledge, and walks on top of it, dangerously balancing herself. And this reminds me that she's still pretty drunk and could potentially fall off this any minute. You'd think she'd have better sense for a trauma surgeon.

"Let's get you down from there ... Come on." I say, gently picking her up from her waist and depositing her next to me on solid ground, where she is at an equal chance of falling on her face. Vodka is a bitch.

"BUT I WANT TO WALK ON ... ON TOP OF THE ... THE WALL!" She yells, huffing in indignation. She is honestly the cutest drunk I've ever had the chance of witnessing. And if I ever had the balls to kiss her, I'd totally kiss her right now. Because, I can't resist her pout. Shit. Dangerous territory. Also, wall ?

"Alright Doctor Kepner, go ahead, walk on top of the dangerous brick ledge, while inebriated. I wouldn't mind checking on some post ops actually while you're in the ER."

I see her contemplating this and coming to the stubborn realization that I am actually making a very logical argument. The sore loser side in her is mad, I can tell, but she grunts and crosses her arms and walks off.

"You didn't answer my question." I run behind her to catch up, because she's speed walking towards the house now.

"Hm ? Oh you mean Greg ? I said I don't know. Because I don't know. Like ..." She says, her forehead scrunching up almost as if she's putting a lot of thought in to this question when in reality I know she just forgot the question and is just trying to think of what exactly it was I asked her in the first place. "OH. Yes ... um ... I feel like I SHOULD get a boyfriend. Because ... Because ... Everyone makes fun of me all the time, and so, maybe I should just ... You know ... Yep."

"April ... I didn't - I'm so sorry, I know that I made fun of you too. I didn't know you'd -"

"Hey no no. It's not ... It's not ONLY that. I mean, hey ! It's not you OKAY ! IT'S NOT YOU." She says, poking me really hard in the chest to prove her point. Although, the pain that is causing me makes me question just how much she's okay with it.

"It's also, because ..." She lets the sentence trail off, suddenly looking up at me and bursting into a fit of giggles. See what I mean ? Drunk April is the real life equivalent of videos of puppies doing cute things.

"Because ?"

"I can't tell you that !" April replied, shaking her head like I just asked her to rob a bank with me. How is that an unreasonable question ?

"Why not ?"

"BECAUSE … It's YOU. Nope nope nope NEVER telling you that." She said, almost as if she was telling this to herself more than to me. Now I was REALLY curious. What would be the other reason ? I hated it when people hinted at things and left you hanging. Especially when that 'people' was April, and the thing she wasn't telling me could potentially affect the future relationship that I do not plan to initiate. Still.

"April … I'm your bestfriend. You know what ? I'm cashing in my I-OWE-YOU you gave me the last time I made a dash across to the store to get you … feminine products." I see April's face turn red at bringing that up. It had been a hilarious, if not slightly awkward, conversation. Look, I KNOW we're both doctors, but it's slightly different when it's your best friend. Regardless, April took these I-Owe-Yous way too seriously and in her not so sober state, I knew it would take little coaxing before she spilled the beans.

She mumbled something really fast and quiet.

"What ?"

"Okay FINE … just … I like someone. OKAY ? I like someone. I ALREADY LIKE SOMEONE ELSE. ARE YOU HAPPY ?!" This time she was practically yelling to the whole neighborhood. I caught my mom look at me, almost as if confirming she's not the only one who heard April announce her current love life status to everyone who lives on our street.

Also … WHAT ?! She LIKED someone. Like … like-liked someone (elementary of me, I know).

"WHO ?!" Now I was yelling. I'm guessing my mother is starting a countdown to how long it will take for the neighbours to call the cops on us.

"I can't tell you that. I'm not THAT drunk, Jackman." She said, turning her face away from me, laughing softly.

I hated him. Whoever it was … I hated him.

"Is it … April, is it Alex ?"

"NO ! God no ! You think I'd be dumb enough to … NO WAY ! Look, can we just drop it ? Please. Please ?" April said, looking up at me.

"It's a … man, right ?" Hey, that's not entirely implausible. I stand absolutely no chance if April was playing for the other team.

She laughed loudly for that, "I'm pretty sure I'd tell you if I figured out I was into girls! Plus, if I was, it wouldn't be anyone you know. Arizona's married and Lexi is your ex. You don't date your bestfriend's ex."

Because that information isn't weird to me, at all. I absolutely do not mind that the girl I like has actually considered dating my ex, and not me. What's so great about those two, anyway ? I'm way prettier than- Okay. No. Moving on.

"I … okay … fine. Just … is it someone I know ?" Because that would really reduce the people I had to put on my hit list.

"Um … sure." She replies, taking a considerable amount of time to give me a really vague answer.

I concede, because I can tell how uncomfortable she is by this, even though I want nothing more than to find out who he is. So if I know him, and he is not Alex, then who the hell is he ? I mean, I know she had a crush on Dr. Sheperd once upon a time. A fact that I loved teasing her about because not only was it so April to develop a harmless idol worship crush, but also because this egoistical side of me was jealous that she didn't have a crush on me instead. Mind you, I was a vain douchebag these days. Medicine and a wise cracking redhead changed me. I doubt it was Derek though. I know how much she regretted that crush. Okay, so that leaves … Owen. Nope, I definitely do NOT see that happening. I'm pretty sure her relationship with Owen only extended to that of mentor-friendship. Like, me and Mark. WAIT. WAIT. MARK ?! It would explain why she was unwilling to tell me, because that would be awkward. Also, it would be the 2nd time a girl ditches me for Mark. It's Mark. It has to be him. No one else made sense. Great. Just this is great. What was so great about him anyway ? Was it the whole, he's an attending thing? Because every women in our group seem to prefer attendings? Before I could throw caution to the wind and confront her on it, it occurred to me that if it was Mark, April wouldn't have cautioned me about getting involved with Lexie. She would've been thrilled about it, instead. No. It couldn't be Mark. Her actions contradicted that fact. RICHA- Not even going to go there.

And now I was officially out of people in my list. Maybe, it's a paramedic or a nurse. April took the time to remember everyone's names and birthdays and ancestry, and I'm sure she expects us to do the same. So maybe I have no idea who this guy even is. Ah, that would explain her vague answer. Great, now I didn't even know who my competition was. Who am I supposed to stare holes through ?

We got to the apartment building, and none of us spoke, my mother looking at me with a strange expression on her face. Honestly, she is so weird sometimes. My mother politely excused herself after handing April a glass of water and telling her she'll read her report once she's a bit more sober. I let April lean against my shoulder, entering her room and closing the door behind me. She plopped down on the bed, attempting to crawl her way under the covers.

"Oh no you don't. Come on, get changed." I say, dragging her by her hands into a sitting position and then throwing her a baggy t-shirt and shorts.

I go to the bathroom and change and try really hard not to think about who she might like and how I really was looking forward to sleeping next to April, and how shitty it was that I couldn't just tell her how I felt so that I could do more than just sleep next to her.

I come outside to find her snuggled under the covers, and I gently life the blanket and settle underneath it. I stare at the ceiling for a while, thinking about how unfair it was that the only person I felt so much emotion for had to be my best friend. My best friend who liked a guy I may or may not know. My best friend who would one day date this guy and marry this guy and … Wait. Why isn't she dating this guy though ?

"April?" I whisper, really hoping she's awake, when I hear her mumble my name back. I turn my body so that I'm facing her, and that's doing that heart attack thing to my heart I told you about. Although it is possible this could be a heart attack because Joe's burgers are basically a grease fest.

"Um … why haven't you told him ? You know, that you like him ?"

April's eyes flutter open and I can feel her eyes focus on mine after it adjusts to the dark. She sighs, taking a deep breath. I can tell she's a little frustrated that I'm harping on this, because she probably just thinks I'm being annoying.

"Well … I don't think … No, I know … he won't like me back." She whispers back, and I can hear the hurt in her voice and it kills me, because what kind of idiot wouldn't like her back? Setting standards higher than April and the only person he'd be dating is his imagination.

"You know this, how?" Maybe this is more to do with her insecurities than his actual feelings towards her.

"I just do, okay ? Um … he's … I don't know. Well for starters, he is so out of my league that I can't even … SEE the league to begin with. And he's … I know the kind of girls he dates. I'm not that … type of girl. Also, I don't want to scare him off. He's … um … important. Look, just … I KNOW, okay?" She says at the end, turning away from me to let me know that the conversation is over.

"Well, he's an idiot. Because you're … you're amazing, April … You're-"

"He said it." She interrupts me, "I um overheard him say it. Some … long time back. So, it's not just in my head." She says, her tone changing from harsh to sad towards the end.

"Oh." I managed to say, because what do you say to that ? "Well it's his loss, anyway."

April looked at me carefully, and smiled. It hurt that she looked so sad. I was mad at myself for bringing it up and I was even more angry that I was secretly pleased. I wasn't happy she was sad, of course not. I was happy that ... I don't know, really. It's not like I was going to ask her out. I wanted to. I really really wanted to, but ... I couldn't. So I don't know why it mattered. I was being selfish.

"Can we ... um ... Not talk about this anymore, please ?" April mumbled quietly.

"Of course. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have dragged it- I don't ... Sorry."

Emotionally traumatize your crush : Check.

"Jackson ... When your mom said ... Um ... You're nothing like 'him' ... was she talking about ... your dad ?"

Great. Not the conversation I ever want to have. But serves me right for being a dick to April. I never want to talk about him. With anyone. Ever. Not even April. She's the only one I even casually mentioned him to. I hate my mother for even bringing him up because I do a good job of ignoring his existence on a daily basis. He left. He left me, when I was 6 years old, so I was old enough to remember him and young enough to not understand why he'd leave. But I guess I owed her this.

"Yes." April widened her eyes, almost as if asking me if that's all I was going to say. The last thing I needed was to talk about my daddy issues with the girl I'm supposed to be impressing. I have no game.

"I worried - worry ... that maybe I'm more like him than I'd like. He left because he got sick of having a legacy beaten over his head and I ... I feel like getting out sometimes. I'm not him, though. I'm not." I don't know who I'm trying to convince really, me or her.

"Of course you're not Jackson. You would never do what he did ... You're a much better person than that." April said, rubbing my arm.

"I guess."

"No it's true Jackson. He made a choice to leave. You make the choice to stay, every single day, I can tell. And that's why you're not the same."

I smile at her, because she's right. I mean, I'm not magically healed or whatever, but it's nice that someone recognise the fact that I put effort into not running away like he did.

"Thanks. It's not just that ... I ..." and this is the part I never told even my own mother, because I never said it out loud, ever and I don't know why I'm saying it now. "I thought it was me. You know, you never ask what's wrong with them ..."

"You ask what's wrong with you." April replied, looking at me like she was going to cry. I didn't want this to become a sob story, but I can't lie ... It feels really good to hear that someone else gets it.

"Yeah."

"I know. But ... He didn't leave because you're not good enough. He'd be a colossal idiot to think he'd find something better than a family like you and your mom."

"We weren't good enough of a reason for him to stay." And there it is. The thing that I have not even admitted to myself that I'm admitting to April, who's probably still a little drunk, in the middle of the night.

April hugged me all of a sudden. She tossed an arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer to her and in all the years I've known April this is the most intimate thing I've ever done. I've never being this ... open, I guess with anyone my whole life and it feels really strange more than anything actually. But there's a part of me that's relieved. I needed someone to hear it and of course it was April.

"No. No. You're more than good enough. Sometimes people need to know what it's like to not have something to realise how good enough it was."

She could be right. Or maybe she wasn't. It was nice to hear her say it, either way. It wasn't helping my crush though, because the more and more things she said like this, the more I realised maybe it wasn't just a crush ... maybe it was something a little bit more than that. I hated that.

"Thank you."

"No need to thank me, Jackman." Although I'm pretty sure she said that last part in her sleep, but I still appreciate the sentiment. I couldn't fall asleep yet because I didn't realise how much of adrenaline talking about your feelings could give you. So instead of watching April sleep like the creep I was sleepy becoming, I decided to go get some water instead.

"Jackson."

I may or may not have screamed, because let's face it it's the middle of the night, and I really thought all the occupants of this house was asleep.

"Mom ... Are you trying to kill me ? Geez."

"You should tell her."

I look up at her, completely confused as to what she was saying. Honestly, why do people think you're going to figure out what they mean when all they say is one cryptic sentence.

"Tell who what ?"

"April. You should tell her ... how you feel." My mother replies, walking towards me and sitting across from me on the kitchen island.

"No thank you. Now goodnight." Because I knew this was coming and I've had enough 'talking about my feelings' for one night.

"Jackson ... You're going to regret it. Sweetheart, trust me." She says, getting up to walk towards me.

"No, the only thing I'm going to regret is TELLING her. If she doesn't like me back-"

"Won't like you back ? Honey, that girl is practically-"

"Even if she does ... which she doesn't ... What if it doesn't work out ? Hm ? I lose my best friend ?" I can't believe that I spent years avoiding having conversations with my mother to have this many conversations all in the span of one day.

"Sweetheart ..."

"No. This my decision. Stay out of it." I say this a little bit more harsh than I intend to.

"You want to know the worst thing your father was ? A coward. He was so scared of standing up to Harper, of what could happen if he did, that he ran away from it and he lost everything. Don't be a coward, Jackson. You only stand to lose." She said, more serious than I've ever seen her my whole life. This wasn't the lecture I've heard my whole life about the legacy, this was the truth behind it that my mom never told me.

"So what ? You're saying I'm like him?"

"No ! No." She replied, shaking her head, with a stern expression, "I'm saying you're not. So start acting like it."

She looks at me one more time and goes to her room, leaving me to slowly wander back to mine. Well wasn't today eventful. I close the door behind me after I get to the bedroom, and I realize how right my mom is. I said it once, I won't say it again. Seeing April sprawled across my bed, the woman who's not only the girl I was falling for fast, but who's also my best friend, I guess it just occurs to me that I want this for a long time. I want to wake up everyday and go to sleep everyday with her sprawled out next to me like a starfish, taking up more than half of the bed space. I want that. And that means I have to tell her.

I just have absolutely no clue how.

* * *

 **THANK YOU FOR READING !**

 **Please leave me a review letting me know if you enjoyed it ! :)**

 **P.S : You can find me on Tumblr at "astoldbyacertifiedunicorn" :)**


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